Can you recall what anger in a relationship feels like? Anger is
a learned reaction to something negative in a situation, often
referred to as a trigger. It’s best described as an unbridled
horse. For instance, if you do not take control, it is likely to
control you.
I would like you to think about what provokes your
anger. Make a list of your specific anger triggers. Now, look at
your list and think of additional ways to help deal with stressful
situations. This simple exercise will help you to recognize and then
admit to your anger.
Keep in mind that anger is controllable and a
choice that you can choose to do something about if you want. If you
tell your spouse or partner when you are angry, then it will help
avoid a situation that could be otherwise pushed to the boiling
point.
Are you beginning to see how choosing to control
your anger is an important first step?
Now I want you to go deep into your own mind and
visualize the signs when you are angry. Are you trying to conceal
your anger by using sarcastic remarks toward your spouse or partner,
wanting to lash out at someone or just feeling altogether
aggravated?
If you feel hot and flushed and your heart is
pounding rapidly, there is a good possibility you’re angry. Other
signs of anger include feeling tense or your head is throbbing
because your blood pressure is skyrocketing. Stop yourself! Calm
down before you say or do anything you are going to regret later.
When it comes to anger in a relationship, always
try to understand the other person's point of view. It’s not easy to
put yourself in someone else's shoes but it can be done if you try
hard. Be aware that the other person does not enjoy your anger
anymore than you do.
Just because you have a misunderstanding, be
willing to cut the person you love some slack whenever possible.
When you argue with your partner, do so in a helpful manner. Never,
ever call the other person names or bring up experiences that
happened in the past because it can serve to drum up painful
memories.
Never begin a sentence with "You never," instead
focus on explaining how you feel, such as by saying, "I need" or "I
want." This helps to deflect some of the anger and doesn't put the
other person on the defensive right away.
Sometimes in order to keep the peace it is
necessary to walk away from a situation that is bringing up angry
feelings on both people's parts. Often getting away from a situation
will help you put it into perspective and then after you feel better
you can go back and set things right.
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