Words of Encouragement

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

 The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

 Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.  The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and colour of the world outside.

 The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every colour and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

 As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.  One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by.  Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

 Days and weeks passed 

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of
the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. 

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.  He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.  The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

 She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."

 How do you encourage yourself to bounce back from the setbacks in your life?

 The blind man in this story was able to provide some inspiration that lifted the other man's spirits - even for just an hour each day.  This helped him to stay positive and look forward to life after recovery.

When you lose a sale, miss a deadline, become rundown, or feel overloaded with work, do you encourage yourself to bounce back quickly?

A close friend of mine once said "each morning when I look at myself in the mirror I say 'now, that's the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with'.  Since I'm stuck with you, I need to treat you with kindness, care and encouragement".

Putting yourself down reduces the effort you put into your next sale, project, client, etc.  Research has found that people who don't believe in their abilities or encourage themselves to bounce back, tend not to try as hard to achieve their goals - especially after  a setback.

Make sure you are actively encouraging yourself to bounce back after any setback.

ACTION STEPS:

1. Use Encouraging Language
Instead of putting yourself down, be positive and optimistic that you will bounce back and achieve whatever you set your mind to.

Instead of saying: 'I'll never get this right'
* Try: 'So far it has been tough, but that can still change'

Instead of saying: 'I'm just not good enough for this'
* Try: 'I'll never know what's possible until I really give it my best effort and don't give up'

Instead of saying: 'This will never work'
* Try: 'My mistakes have shown me what doesn't work, and that creates a path to show me what will work'

Instead of saying: 'It's all too hard'

*Try: 'It's difficult, but not impossible'

2. Get a Support/Mentor Group
Every top athlete has a coach, and every racing car driver has a support crew.  Do you have a group of people who support you?  You may be the support for other people, however where do you turn to when you need support, advice, or a sounding board?  Don’t don't give me that rubbish of 'I don't need anyone - I can manage just fine alone'.  Everyone needs someone, some help, at some stage.  Don't be a hero - you won't get any 'extra points' for trying to bounce back without help.

Find at least two people in your professional or personal circle who can offer you advice, support or just listen to you whenever you have a setback.  If you would like information about my Resilience Mentoring Group, scroll down to the 'What's Happening: Events, Seminars and Projects' section to read all about it.

3. Actively encourage the people you work with to bounce back.
As part of my personal training I recently completed a fitness test that required me (and 20 others) to complete a 2.4km run in under 10 minutes.  In the final kilometre there
was one guy who was really struggling.  He kept stopping and starting and seemed to have run out of energy.  As each person ran past him, they gave a few words of encouragement which seemed to motivate him to keep trying.  Although he didn't make it back within 10 minutes, he did exceed his personal best time and was very grateful to each person who slowed down to help lift his spirits.

In your workplace, if people are feeling down after a sales rejection, feeling overloaded from a looming deadline – take a moment to encourage them.  It may be a smile, a few positive words, having lunch with them, or whatever.  Just make the effort.

Michael Licenblat B.Sc.(Psych), Resilience Expert

'Tear through your tension, be strong with stress 

and become powerful under pressure'