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The speaker struggle between "performing" and being "authentic"

performing_authentic

I am writing this as the world mourns David Bowie.

Something Bowie said reminded me about the dichotomy that we all face, in public speaking, between "performing" and being "authentic."

Many of my clients come to me because they are deterred from speaking by their fear of "performing" this thing called public speaking, fear of not adequately meeting some set of criteria, and of losing their self and their real message in that performance. .

Many of you will know how much of a struggle the dichotomy has been for me. I spent many years entering (and winning my fair share) of public speaking competitions. It is a world unto itself, competitive public speaking, bound by rules, and it involves speaking knowing that one is being judged (a nervous beginner's worst nightmare, and daunting for the old hands as well!).

So for all those years I operated within that world and its rules, doing well, but constantly feeling the weird dislocation of communicating with an audience via a strict set of guidelines.

It has been incredibly liberating to give up the concept of being judged as a performer.

But still the dichotomy remains - authenticity is vital and yet performance has to be factored in. They must still be in balance.

And for me, and for many others like me, there is also the strange "lure" of performance, threatening to pull that balance awry in a different direction.

Two "events" that have crossed my path in the last couple of weeks have really highlighted this "lure" of performance.

The death of David Bowie was one but before that ...

You might also be aware of my interest/obsession (!) with Outlanders, the series of books ... and with the TV series, how it is being made ...

and with the lead actor who is a consummate professional on and off stage.

(The fact that his good looks are highlighted at every opportunity doesn't hurt either, but it's not the main source of my interest.!)

The image below is from an Instagram post. He has had to work out to create the build of the character, Jamie. But he is also very involved in charities and one program he runs is a fitness/goal achievement challenge from which the funds go to one of those charities. In the course of this fundraising he has had to endure photo shoots for a cross-fit magazine, to promote this fundraiser.

sam heughan vulnerability

When you finish enjoying what he has achieved in terms of the physique, maybe you can read the text ...

and see that possibility - of creating a performance, or a mask, behind which to hide the real you.

Where would you say this lies on the spectrum between authenticity and performing?

The second event, was the demise of David Bowie - a shock to the world. He was an icon of our age. Meant so much to so many people for so many reasons. He strummed our pain. He gave us possibilities outside our squares. He provided sheer entertainment and amazing music. He stimulated our creativity. He gave us solace.

Many of us are now listening to his latest and final recording for the hints he embedded about his attitude to life ... and to death.

Even at the end, he was orchestrating his life. In 1976 he told Playboy "I've now decided that my death should be very precious. I really want to use it. I'd like my death to be as interesting as my life has been and will be."

We are now looking back at the latest album, at the quotations, and connecting the dots back from the death of an icon. And in my efforts to do just that I found this quote which I put into a graphic.

bowie_shy

Both of these beautiful, thoughtful, creative professionals, expressing the concept of a separate persona or mask in order to perform or "expose" oneself.

So there it is ...

and while I do see performance as a lure, mindful as I am of lingering memories of old experiences, I also find in it support for my theory that

introverts make the best speakers!

And the dichotomy remains!

After lots of experience and deliberation, and now these two events, I have reached this ...

that the compromise between performance and being yourself comes, I think, down to two things -

being your best self

and playing the game with your audience.

What do you think?

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Public speaking lessons from a quarry makeover

We are incredibly blessed to have an environmental park just 50 metres from our home. I am grateful to old George Swanston, our local Council representative more than twenty years ago, who fought to have it gazetted as such, and not given over to developers. We now have a backdrop of trees from our house and access to beautiful walking tracks and scenery.

At our particular entrance to the park is a disused quarry - huge sandstone cliffs where blocks of stone were removed. It has been shored up, but part of it remains rather unstable and in times of heavy rain, boulders are sometimes dislodged. It is now a beautiful, serene place.

The piece of landscape I focussed on this morning, though, had me thinking ...

quarry_ps

This is the wall the park-keepers have created to protect the walking path from falling boulders.

And it reminded me of constructing a speech (possibly because I'm currently putting together a workshop on the subject!)

See the wire netting they have used to make sure the stone wall stays in place?

Sometimes I feel like I am in need of such a cage - something to keep the whole speech together and tight and effective - not allowing ideas to escape out of the structure I want.

We collect such a miscellany of thoughts, and knowledge and experiences and opinions and do our best with them. We sort them and discard those that will not support the message we want for this particular audience. We build them into a structure that will work for this presentation. It will be strong. It will work to make the message flow and shape so that the audience follows it easily without too much awareness of its existence. It will look and feel good to ourselves as we present, giving us confidence in the whole.

And that's what they have done with these stones in this wall. They collected a huge number, and sorted out the ones that will fit and that are of a similar size so that they can be stacked into a shape. They built them into a structure that will protect the walkers here on the path, without intruding into the flow of their walk or run. And I suspect they are rather proud of their final construction.

And yet ...

They had to put the net around it. Was it not built well enough?

Perhaps they did not have a proper dry-stone wall person. Perhaps it is not finished and they intend to replace it or cover it with concrete or such.

The question remains ... though I am so happy people are taking care of the park and making it safe.

And yet...

These grey stones are not native to the area - well not in evidence anywhere around. They are imports. The whole structure seems alien.

Did you ever feel that about a speech?

Maybe it didn't align with your passions. Maybe you were presenting someone else's material. Maybe you've seen a speaker who had found the audience was not as they expected, or the speech just didn't belong in the event, either subject-wise, or energy-wise.

Still I am grateful.

Returning from my walk, I follow the little side street and in front of me, at the end of the street, is this beautiful tree.

jacaranda

It belongs (though it was planted there).

It has its own natural shape. Nothing constrains it (though it was pruned - many years ago).

It is beautiful.

Is this what it feels to present a speech so that it feels like it belongs, so that it feels natural, unconstrained, and we can feel its beauty?

The speaker's own energy and authentic passion,

constructed for this audience and their needs and wants and values,

suitable to the event, aligned with its intent and vibe.

I wish you (and me) many more trees ... and many more speeches that give as much pleasure and satisfaction.

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Knock down the wall between you and your audience in public speaking

The first piece of public speaking that I can remember doing was in about the second year of school. Every year of school, we learned several pieces of poetry by rote, wrote them in our best handwriting in our poetry books and recited them together each morning. I loved that poetry – loved the writing, the sound of the words and the way they fitted together in a new form of speaking. But in the second year of school, it was decided that each person in the class would recite the poem to the whole group. We were instructed to stand out the front, in the middle, with our hands clasped together with the finger tips of each hand nestled against the fingers of the other – “cupped” I think, is the word for it.

I don’t remember being nervous, but remember standing there. I don’t remember what the teacher may have said was good about my presentation, but in perverse and fairly normal human style, I have never forgotten being told that I had swayed while I spoke.

And that was the beginning of years of fear of public speaking. Obviously perfection was expected here and obviously, too, my body could not be trusted to be perfect without my strict supervision. By Year seven, the public speaking exercises had graduated to coming to the door of the classroom, knocking and asking “Are you Nelly Reddy?” That was too much! I would discover a sudden need to go to the bathroom –and stay there. It got to the stage where the teacher asked my mother if I was having some sort of health issue!

My love of language and an ability to use it reasonably well meant I built a successful career in public speaking at high school, but always at the expense of suffering horribly from nerves. There was still the expectation of a performance, and the degree of perfection against a set of criteria was always forefront in every experience.

I have worked hard over the intervening years to overcome the fear, because despite it all, I still love public speaking. And one of the best feelings these days is the feeling of being able to stand confidently on a stage and have a conversation with the audience. Another best feeling is knowing that that is the common trend in public speaking today as well. I watch “Show and Tell” in primary school and watch as the teachers make each child feel comfortable, supported, encouraged and never judged. I read about public speaking and see the growing number of people discussing this need to be perfect and what a burden it is, and how unnecessary.

The concept I love most is the idea of the performance/perfectionism as placing a wall between yourself as a speaker and your audience. Perhaps it should be refereed to as a screen, in the way that a screen holds a movie or video separate from its audience.

And of course the antidote is to break down the wall, take yourself out of the screen and see yourself as having a conversation with your audience. You can be so much more authentic as you be yourself in conversation rather than a performing persona. You can be so much more engaging as you interact, in conversation, with your audience. And as a speaking consultant I can now encourage my clients to be themselves – their best selves, mind you, but still their authentic selves.

© Bronwyn Ritchie If you want to include this article in your publication. please do. but please include the following information with it:
Bronwyn Ritchie is a professional librarian, writer, award-winning speaker and trainer. She is a certified corporate trainer and speech contest judge with POWERtalk, a certified World Class Speaking coach, and has had 30 years' experience speaking to audiences and training in public speaking. In just 6 months time, you could be well on the way to being admired, rehired as a speaker, with the 30 speaking tips. Click here for 30 speaking tips for FREE. Join now or go to http://www.30speakingtips.com

Speaking: How To Communicate Your Unique Truth When Speaking

Be authentic. Be transparent. Be real. Wherever you're speaking, you know this is what your listener is craving. Everybody's fed up with deceit and phoniness. They want to hear the truth, and they want to believe what you're saying.

On the surface, this seems simple enough. Like you just leave out any lies - right? Actually, there's more to it that. When you want to thoroughly communicate your truth to an audience, there's one main thing you need to remember: be yourself.

Be The Real You
People crave connection. When they listen to you, they want to feel like you're talking directly to them. They want to feel like you know them. And the only way they're going to feel like that is if you come across as the real you. Like what you see is what you get.

We've all heard people proclaiming their own authenticity, but we feel like we really have no idea who they are. So it's not about telling people how authentic you are. It's about showing them.

And it's not about disclosing all your personal, private information. In fact, that can backfire on your purpose to engage people. Because unless you're performing a one-woman show, nobody's that interested in you. Hope that doesn't burst your bubble, but it's true.

They came to hear the information you have to offer. But they want to hear it from somebody they feel like they know. Someone they can trust. Somebody real.

The Secret: Relax
The best way to let them see the authentic you is to relax when you're speaking. Whether you're talking from the stage, speaking on a teleseminar, or presenting to your MasterMind group, people will connect with your message when you're relaxed in your delivery. Being relaxed is what allows you to use your own language, to be who you really are everyday. And that's what your audience wants.

So do what you need to do to help yourself relax when you're speaking. Use a rapid-change tool like EFT tapping to eliminate whatever has you tense. And then go be your authentic self for your audience. You'll be amazed at how they'll connect with you and your message.

Now you know the secret to truly being authentic when you're speaking in public. When you want to thoroughly communicate your truth to an audience, any audience, the one thing you must do is to completely be yourself.

And to help you relax when you're speaking, claim your free Stress-Free Speaking Starter Kit when you go to http://SpeakingMadeFearless.com.

Just fill in your name and best email to get your free Stress-Free Speaking Guide, Checklist, and Fearless Speaking Audio recording.

From Janet Hilts, stress-free speaking coach, specializing in helping motivated people like you get comfortable speaking in any setting.

Find out more at http://www.SpeakingMadeFearless.com.