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The speaker struggle between "performing" and being "authentic"

performing_authentic

I am writing this as the world mourns David Bowie.

Something Bowie said reminded me about the dichotomy that we all face, in public speaking, between "performing" and being "authentic."

Many of my clients come to me because they are deterred from speaking by their fear of "performing" this thing called public speaking, fear of not adequately meeting some set of criteria, and of losing their self and their real message in that performance. .

Many of you will know how much of a struggle the dichotomy has been for me. I spent many years entering (and winning my fair share) of public speaking competitions. It is a world unto itself, competitive public speaking, bound by rules, and it involves speaking knowing that one is being judged (a nervous beginner's worst nightmare, and daunting for the old hands as well!).

So for all those years I operated within that world and its rules, doing well, but constantly feeling the weird dislocation of communicating with an audience via a strict set of guidelines.

It has been incredibly liberating to give up the concept of being judged as a performer.

But still the dichotomy remains - authenticity is vital and yet performance has to be factored in. They must still be in balance.

And for me, and for many others like me, there is also the strange "lure" of performance, threatening to pull that balance awry in a different direction.

Two "events" that have crossed my path in the last couple of weeks have really highlighted this "lure" of performance.

The death of David Bowie was one but before that ...

You might also be aware of my interest/obsession (!) with Outlanders, the series of books ... and with the TV series, how it is being made ...

and with the lead actor who is a consummate professional on and off stage.

(The fact that his good looks are highlighted at every opportunity doesn't hurt either, but it's not the main source of my interest.!)

The image below is from an Instagram post. He has had to work out to create the build of the character, Jamie. But he is also very involved in charities and one program he runs is a fitness/goal achievement challenge from which the funds go to one of those charities. In the course of this fundraising he has had to endure photo shoots for a cross-fit magazine, to promote this fundraiser.

sam heughan vulnerability

When you finish enjoying what he has achieved in terms of the physique, maybe you can read the text ...

and see that possibility - of creating a performance, or a mask, behind which to hide the real you.

Where would you say this lies on the spectrum between authenticity and performing?

The second event, was the demise of David Bowie - a shock to the world. He was an icon of our age. Meant so much to so many people for so many reasons. He strummed our pain. He gave us possibilities outside our squares. He provided sheer entertainment and amazing music. He stimulated our creativity. He gave us solace.

Many of us are now listening to his latest and final recording for the hints he embedded about his attitude to life ... and to death.

Even at the end, he was orchestrating his life. In 1976 he told Playboy "I've now decided that my death should be very precious. I really want to use it. I'd like my death to be as interesting as my life has been and will be."

We are now looking back at the latest album, at the quotations, and connecting the dots back from the death of an icon. And in my efforts to do just that I found this quote which I put into a graphic.

bowie_shy

Both of these beautiful, thoughtful, creative professionals, expressing the concept of a separate persona or mask in order to perform or "expose" oneself.

So there it is ...

and while I do see performance as a lure, mindful as I am of lingering memories of old experiences, I also find in it support for my theory that

introverts make the best speakers!

And the dichotomy remains!

After lots of experience and deliberation, and now these two events, I have reached this ...

that the compromise between performance and being yourself comes, I think, down to two things -

being your best self

and playing the game with your audience.

What do you think?

You might also be interested in:

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[Quick Public Speaking Tip] Oops, how embarrassing, you're boring your audience

oops_boring
It’s a moment that nervous speakers dread – to realise that most of your audience is bored.

They’re glassy eyed, maybe even falling asleep, chatting or texting.

Horrors!

Worse still and more embarrassing is the presenter who becomes frantic, attempting to regain attention.

It has happened to me twice.

The first was early in my speaking career when I became aware of a lady in the front row, slumped, with her head back and her mouth open, quietly snoring. The second was later, during a presentation, and I watched with increasing concern as one after another, the people in the audience got that glazed look. They were too polite to nod off or chat, but the evidence was there. I had been asked to present on the subject and had failed to research that audience and their needs, which, it turned out, were on a different level altogether.

I well remember the panicky feeling. Fortunately I managed to turn the situations around. As the snores gently increased, we moved quickly into small group discussion so that the people around the sleepy-head moved and woke her up to participate. And in the presentation, as it became increasingly obvious that the material I had prepared was just not appropriate, I was able to drop the script, and work with the audience to find out their needs and present something they needed and got quite excited about. But I will never forget that initial feeling of losing attention.

Avoid the whole situation if you can by researching your audience and make sure you address the What's In It For Me factor.

Avoid the whole situation if you can by embedding signposts so that your audience can follow the road of your presentation with you.

Avoid the whole situation if you can by ensuring you have variety wired into your presentation, and have something up your sleeve that you can move into if necessary.

Introduce a new visual.

Involve the audience.

Ask questions.

Change your stance, body language or walking pattern.

Stop.

Stand still.

Change from a complex approach to the subject and create pure simplicity. Change direction entirely.

Ask for directions to take.

Whatever you use, it will become a smooth, professional piece of your presentation instead of a situation that embarrasses you and your audience.

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Inspiring – Breaking through the glass wall that is the fear of public speaking

This is a valedictory speech by a student who feared public speaking.

"I'd literally have sweaty palms and a pit in my stomach at the thought of being called on to answer a question in class. The worst part was that I thought I'd always feel that way but thank goodness I finally figured out how to get rid of it and I've never felt better about speaking publicly."

Watch him as he waits through his introduction. It is still evident. Watch, though, as he makes his speech and know that this is one inspirational human being.

He still has a way to go with his speaking, but with an attitude like that, he should go far.

I would love your comments on this speaker and his presentation in the comments below. Especially I would like to hear what advice you would give him on his speaking. I think he would appreciate it.
 
       

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Knock down the wall between you and your audience in public speaking

The first piece of public speaking that I can remember doing was in about the second year of school. Every year of school, we learned several pieces of poetry by rote, wrote them in our best handwriting in our poetry books and recited them together each morning. I loved that poetry – loved the writing, the sound of the words and the way they fitted together in a new form of speaking. But in the second year of school, it was decided that each person in the class would recite the poem to the whole group. We were instructed to stand out the front, in the middle, with our hands clasped together with the finger tips of each hand nestled against the fingers of the other – “cupped” I think, is the word for it.

I don’t remember being nervous, but remember standing there. I don’t remember what the teacher may have said was good about my presentation, but in perverse and fairly normal human style, I have never forgotten being told that I had swayed while I spoke.

And that was the beginning of years of fear of public speaking. Obviously perfection was expected here and obviously, too, my body could not be trusted to be perfect without my strict supervision. By Year seven, the public speaking exercises had graduated to coming to the door of the classroom, knocking and asking “Are you Nelly Reddy?” That was too much! I would discover a sudden need to go to the bathroom –and stay there. It got to the stage where the teacher asked my mother if I was having some sort of health issue!

My love of language and an ability to use it reasonably well meant I built a successful career in public speaking at high school, but always at the expense of suffering horribly from nerves. There was still the expectation of a performance, and the degree of perfection against a set of criteria was always forefront in every experience.

I have worked hard over the intervening years to overcome the fear, because despite it all, I still love public speaking. And one of the best feelings these days is the feeling of being able to stand confidently on a stage and have a conversation with the audience. Another best feeling is knowing that that is the common trend in public speaking today as well. I watch “Show and Tell” in primary school and watch as the teachers make each child feel comfortable, supported, encouraged and never judged. I read about public speaking and see the growing number of people discussing this need to be perfect and what a burden it is, and how unnecessary.

The concept I love most is the idea of the performance/perfectionism as placing a wall between yourself as a speaker and your audience. Perhaps it should be refereed to as a screen, in the way that a screen holds a movie or video separate from its audience.

And of course the antidote is to break down the wall, take yourself out of the screen and see yourself as having a conversation with your audience. You can be so much more authentic as you be yourself in conversation rather than a performing persona. You can be so much more engaging as you interact, in conversation, with your audience. And as a speaking consultant I can now encourage my clients to be themselves – their best selves, mind you, but still their authentic selves.

© Bronwyn Ritchie If you want to include this article in your publication. please do. but please include the following information with it:
Bronwyn Ritchie is a professional librarian, writer, award-winning speaker and trainer. She is a certified corporate trainer and speech contest judge with POWERtalk, a certified World Class Speaking coach, and has had 30 years' experience speaking to audiences and training in public speaking. In just 6 months time, you could be well on the way to being admired, rehired as a speaker, with the 30 speaking tips. Click here for 30 speaking tips for FREE. Join now or go to http://www.30speakingtips.com

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Don’t let your public speaking nerves embarrass you

It’s embarrassing for the nervous speaker and it’s embarrassing for the audience - those awkward, horrible moments when something goes wrong, something embarrassing happens. They are an experience neither the audience nor the speaker wants to have to endure.

 Here are four situations where you can smooth out those embarrassing moments … and a powerful strategy to use in the future.

1. The mental blank That terrible moment when someone loses complete track of what they are saying - there is a blank, their face drops, and then becomes more and more frantic. This is painful not only for the speaker but for the audience. Develop a strategy now so that if, despite your best preparations, a blank happens, you have something to say. You could remark, “Oops I’ve lost it” and maybe you can add some appropriate humour (“Must have left the speech in front of the mirror!”) and then add something like “Now where was I?” Look at your notes if necessary – “We were talking about …” If it’s really bad, ask the audience. Whatever strategy you use along these lines, you keep the audience, and yourself, moving on, returning to target and none of you is embarrassed. So if you fear the blank moment, be prepared with a strategy that will allow you to deal smoothly with the situation.

2. The audience is bored It’s a moment that nervous speakers dread – to realise that most of your audience is bored. They’re glassy eyed, maybe even falling asleep, chatting or texting on their mobile hones. Horrors! Worse still and more embarrassing is the presenter who becomes frantic, attempting to regain attention. Avoid the whole situation if you can by ensuring you have variety wired into your presentation, and have something up your sleeve that you can move into if necessary. Introduce a new visual. Involve the audience. Change your stance, body language or walking pattern. Stop. Stand still. Whatever you use, it will become a smooth, professional piece of your presentation instead of a situation that embarrasses you and your audience.

3. Dry mouth Do you have a persistent dry mouth? Then take a glass of water with you. Before the speech, organise a place to put it and then choose a time where you can drink without interrupting the flow of your speech. Incorporate this into the planning of your presentation and your visualisation of your successful presentation. If it does interrupt, then find a way to explain it, incorporate it, or joke about it.

4. Those other embarrassing physical symptoms The same applies to anything else you expect might embarrass you or detract from your speech. If you cannot overcome the physical symptoms in the lead up to the speech, then these are the ones you need to develop strategies for. And use this same set of tactics for any other symptoms like blushing or shakes – if they detract from your speech – find a way to explain it, incorporate it or joke about it.

Then you will have defused any embarrassment that you feel or your audience feels. In all of these situations where you might make mistakes or have a mishap, there is one underlying powerful principle that works to avoid embarrassment: “It doesn’t matter what happens. What matters is how you deal with what happens.” It really does not matter!. The embarrassment for everyone lies not in the event itself, but in how you respond to it. So instead of being embarrassed, respond, instead, with professionalism and confidence.

Be as prepared as you can for whatever may arise, and be prepared to explain, incorporate or joke if something does happen. Then you will have been able to deal with it, confidently and professionally - without embarrassment. The added bonus? You are reducing your nervousness and increasing your confidence in the process.

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©Bronwyn Ritchie
If you want to include this article in your publication, please do, but please include the following information with it:
Bronwyn Ritchie is a professional librarian, writer, award-winning speaker and trainer. She is a certified corporate trainer and speech contest judge with POWERtalk, a certified World Class Speaking coach, and has had 30 years experience speaking to audiences and training in public speaking. Get her 30 speaking tips FREE and boost your public speaking mastery over 30 weeks. Go to http://www.30speakingtips.com

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Controlling fear. Commanding attention

101 Secrets of Highly Effective Speakers: Controlling Fear, Commanding Attention

Ron L. Krannich

Controlling fear. Commanding attention

...covers every aspect of public speaking, and should go a long way in reassuring novices they are adequately prepared. -- Today's Librarian

http://bit.ly/P5lARb

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Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking with Mental Preparation Strategies

Mental preparation is a vital part of the process of overcoming the fear of public speaking. It is one of four processes successful speakers use to make sure they lose their fear and use their nerves for success.

The first step is to acknowledge that the fear is normal.

1. A huge range of successful people like Helen Hayes, Johnny Carson, Carol Burnett, Joan Rivers, Lisa Minnelli and Sydney Poitier are known to have suffered from nerves.

2. And there was the published survey that identified public speaking as Americans’ number one fear. This reinforces the fact that you are not in a minority, you are not a freak or a failure, but part of a huge group who all feel the same – normal!

3. Seinfeld quipped that if people fear public speaking more than death, then therefore they would rather be in the coffin than making the eulogy. It is so common that Seinfeld jokes about it! It is a natural, normal response – the body’s way of coping with a challenge.
It may be that you have reasons in your past or from within your family that build the fear, and send your body into the fight/flight response. It may be that, like me, you need to run adrenalin to stay alert and focused. It may be that you are not confident socially and need to build confidence to speak.  

Whatever the cause, this is a normal response to that cause and accepting that this is just a normal response, and not your own personal, horrible secret, means that you can acknowledge it, and start to treat it, overcome it 

This process of looking at your fear/nerves and identifying their source/s is a major step towards overcoming them. Often people don’t articulate what it is they fear, or where the fear comes from. If you can do that, then you have something concrete you can tackle, and a way to move forward. Find the root of the fear or nerves, tease it out so that you understand it and then use logic to deal with it.

The third mental technique is to accept that, for whatever reason, you are running adrenalin, so you might as well use it. Make it work for you. Channel it to create excitement and enthusiasm. These give power to your speech and you can speak with rapid-fire enthusiasm, or hold attention with power pause.

The excitement and enthusiasm will also work with other strategies to build a strong confidence.

You can use the enthusiasm to reinforce positive self-talk. Whether you call them mantras or call them affirmations, choose positive statements beforehand, to say to yourself to keep yourself positive. Or you can create them at the time. They too, will reinforce your confidence.

Combine these with a fifth technique – visualization. Very early in the preparation for your speech or presentation, visualize yourself leaving your seat, walking to the stage/podium, greeting the audience – all with calm confidence and enthusiasm. Watch it and experience how it feels. Then, as you progress, visualise, too, and feel, all of the aspects of your presentation – the sections of the speech, any prepared movements, and any visuals. See every one of these occurring successfully and see your confidence permeating every one. This may sound very impractical, but it works for me, and did, long before I really knew I was doing it. I just see it as part of my preparation – then, once prepared, it’s something I don’t have to think about at the time.

And,of course, if you do prepare well, in as much detail as possible, and use visualization as part of the process, then that in itself will give you confidence. Being able to reassure yourself that you are prepared is a major confidence builder, and you can use it as one of your reassuring, positive statements. “I am prepared. I have every aspect covered. I have nothing to worry about.”

You will have accepted the nerves as normal. You will have found their cause/s and used that as a foundation to build strategies for success. You will have mentally prepared for each part of your presentation. You will have learned to channel the nerves into power for your presentation. The processes of mental preparation will be a powerful part of your success in overcoming the fear of public speaking

© Bronwyn Ritchie If you want to include this article in your publication, please do, but please include the following information with it:
Bronwyn Ritchie is a professional librarian, writer, award-winning speaker and trainer. She is a certified corporate trainer and speech contest judge with POWERtalk, a certified World Class Speaking coach, and has had 30 years' experience speaking to audiences and training in public speaking. In just 6 months time, you could be well on the way to being admired, rehired as a speaker, confident and sucessful, with the 30 speaking tips. Click here for 30 speaking tips for FREE. Join now or go to http://www.30speakingtips.com

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Public Speaking tip – The Mental Blank

That terrible moment when someone loses complete track of what they are saying - there is a blank, their face drops, and then becomes more and more frantic. This is painful not only for the speaker but for the audience.

Develop a strategy now so that if, despite your best preparations, a blank happens, you have something to say. You could remark, “Oops I’ve lost it” and maybe you can add some appropriate humour (“Must have left the speech in front of the mirror!”) and then add something like “Now where was I?”

Look at your notes if necessary – “We were talking about …”

If it’s really bad, ask the audience.

Whatever strategy you use along these lines, you keep the audience, and yourself, moving on, returning to target and none of you is embarrassed. So if you fear the blank moment, be prepared with a strategy that will allow you to deal smoothly with the situation.

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Five tips for overcoming public speaking nerves

Your mouth is dry, heart palpitating, and knees knocking. You go into panic, facing a dreaded public speaking assignment.

It doesn’t have to be so.

These five tips will give you some strategies to overcome those symptoms and have the butterflies flying in formation.

1. Deep breathing will pull in oxygen. Adrenalin, secreted to help you deal with the fear brought on by little doubts, causes breaths to become shallow, or causes you to hold your breath. Deep breathing will help your brain work to capacity, and forcing the slower pace will quell the panic.

2. Bluff. Stand tall, with shoulders back and chest out. Smile. Even though you don’t feel happy or confident, do it anyway. You will look confident and your body will fool your brain into thinking it is confident. This really works!!
Bluff – body and smile

3. Keep you mouth and throat hydrated. Plan to keep a drink on hand while you are speaking., though this sounds impossible. Visualising how you will use it if you need it, and calling up the audacity to do such a thing will carry across to your attitude as you take your place to speak, placing your glass just where you need it to be.

4. Adrenalin sends the blood rushing to the fight/flight centres of your brain at the base of the skull. Place your hand on your forehead and press gently on the bony points. This will bring the blood to the parts of the brain that need it to present your speech best.

5. Know you are prepared. Obviously this depends on actually being prepared, so take every opportunity in the days leading up to the speech to prepare your material. Be familiar with the structure of the presentation, and the ideas to use. Memorise the most important parts, and the parts you are frightened of forgetting. I would memorise the opening of the speech and in the moments before presenting it, would reassure myself that I knew that part, and that would lead on to the rest. It worked!!

For my eBook on Overcoming public speaking nerves, visit http://bit.ly/NEKghl

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4 Simple Tips for keeping your cool before your presentation

Stretch to relax. Rise on your toes and reach for the ceiling, with your head back. Tighten your muscles from legs up through abdomen, and then release. Relax the neck and shoulder muscles, letting head loll on neck in different directions.

Breathe to relax. Stand erect, but relaxed and balanced. Inhale while silently counting to five. Hold the breath for five counts, then exhale for five – all breathing is through the mouth. Your diaphragm should move, but your chest should not expand. You can gradually increase the number of counts for each breath to 10.

Relax your Jaw. Let your head loll forward. As you raise it, keep your jaw relaxed. Let it hang open, and smile to yourself at how silly it feels.

Relax your throat. Yawn …. This is how your throat needs to be to speak well – open, and relaxed.

Keep relaxing the muscles throughout your body, your jaw, neck and throat until you walk to the presentation area. Then smile! and begin.

© Bronwyn Ritchie If you want to include this article in your publication, please do, but please include the following information with it:
Bronwyn Ritchie is a professional librarian, writer, award-winning speaker and trainer. She is a certified corporate trainer and speech contest judge with POWERtalk, a certified World Class Speaking coach, and has had 30 years' experience speaking to audiences and training in public speaking. In just 6 months time, you could be well on the way to being admired, rehired as a speaker, with the 30 speaking tips. Click here for 30 speaking tips for FREE. Join now or go to http://www.30speakingtips.com