“Human relationships are the perfect tool for sanding away our rough edges and getting at the core of divinity within us.”
-- Eknath Easwaran
Can you recall what anger in a relationship feels like? Anger is a learned reaction to something negative in a situation, often referred to as a trigger. It’s best described as an unbridled horse. For instance, if you do not take control, it is likely to control you.
I would like you to think about what provokes your anger. Make a list of your specific anger triggers. Now, look at your list and think of additional ways to help deal with stressful situations. This simple exercise will help you to recognize and then admit to your anger.
Keep in mind that anger is controllable and a choice that you can choose to do something about if you want. If you tell your spouse or partner when you are angry, then it will help avoid a situation that could be otherwise pushed to the boiling point.
Are you beginning to see how choosing to control your anger is an important first step?
Now I want you to go deep into your own mind and visualize the signs when you are angry. Are you trying to conceal your anger by using sarcastic remarks toward your spouse or partner, wanting to lash out at someone or just feeling altogether aggravated?
If you feel hot and flushed and your heart is pounding rapidly, there is a good possibility you’re angry. Other signs of anger include feeling tense or your head is throbbing because your blood pressure is skyrocketing. Stop yourself! Calm down before you say or do anything you are going to regret later.
When it comes to anger in a relationship, always try to understand the other person's point of view. It’s not easy to put yourself in someone else's shoes but it can be done if you try hard. Be aware that the other person does not enjoy your anger anymore than you do.
Just because you have a misunderstanding, be willing to cut the person you love some slack whenever possible. When you argue with your partner, do so in a helpful manner. Never, ever call the other person names or bring up experiences that happened in the past because it can serve to drum up painful memories.
Never begin a sentence with "You never," instead focus on explaining how you feel, such as by saying, "I need" or "I want." This helps to deflect some of the anger and doesn't put the other person on the defensive right away.
Sometimes in order to keep the peace it is necessary to walk away from a situation that is bringing up angry feelings on both people's parts. Often getting away from a situation will help you put it into perspective and then after you feel better you can go back and set things right.
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In love and life we find ourselves in many different types of relationships. We have friendships, family, co-workers, supervisors, neighbors, lovers, partners, etc. The one thing in common is that within each and everyone of these relationships we have likes and dislikes. But the one thing that determines this common aspect is "expectations". What would happen to our relationships if we eliminated expectations all together? If we had no expectations of the people we have relationships with we would never have pain or disappointment.
In our minds we have created an unconscious set of expectations that we place on all humans be it if we are in a relationship with them or not. If we eliminated those expectations and had compassion for people as they are we would never experience disappointment in them. If we have no expectations of others we have take the first step to understanding unconditional love. The key to bringing happiness, joy, and love into our lives and experiencing it at every moment of every day is as easy as eliminating the expectations you hold on other people.
In our daily lives we become easily frustrated and angry at the way people drive when we are out on the roads. Why do we do feel this way? We already know that not everyone is a good driver, we already know some drivers are very inconsiderate, and we already know that there will be at the very minimum at least one accident a day on our city streets. So why do we have the expectation that when we go out and drive that every person needs to be a perfect driver? Yes it is important to be safe because lives are at risk everyday but we already know it as a fact that everyone isn't a good driver, and not all drivers are considerate, and that there are accidents everyday. If we want to make our driving experience less stressful and remain happier people we need to stop expecting that every person on the road be a perfect driver because it just isn't reality.
Children are not perfect and do things to upset us all the time. When they get bad grades we still kiss them and tuck them in at night and make them feel safe. We understand that they are children and they are not perfect and we love them anyway. Our pets and animals do not speak the same language as use and often anger us and frustrate us because they did not listen to our rules or they ruined something that belonged to us. When we see them at the end of the day we still love them and feed them and understand that they are animals and meant no real harm.
So why can't we have this understanding with every other relationship in the world? Why can't we understand that the clerk at the grocery store is a human too and that she may be having a bad day because her boss was rude to her, and her boss may have had someone cut them off on the road right before they got to work? Why can't we understand that our husband, girlfriend, mother, or neighbor are human and make mistakes too? Why do we place such great expectations on people to be something they are not? People are not perfect and always kind. People get crabby when they are mistreated or disrespected. People have bad days they have the right to be upset. So why do we have such high expectations?
When we are single and out looking for a mate do you find yourself turning someone away because they do not fit one of your expectations. Maybe you think men should always open the door for you, or maybe you think if a woman is dressed a certain way she isn't good enough to be your partner? It is all because of expectations and all expectations do are make you unhappy!
Imagine life for one hour out of our day where you had no expectations of anyone! If you are able to envision this you should be able to feel great happiness all around you. If you can eliminate expectations you can begin to understand how to have compassion for other humans in life and you are able to experience the true miracle of unconditional love. Unconditional love does not exist in a life of expectations so take some time to recognize when expectations begin to control you and release them for a much more pleasant experience in life true unconditional love.
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Author: Lori Silva. Lori Marie is a writer, professional astrologer, and Usui Reiki healer. Lori Marie created A Wise Soul Once Said...as a place for readers to reflect upon life issues on their path through personal self transformation. Life is not always easy but the universe has a way of putting just the right things in our path to push us a head a little further.
Dr. John Gottman has revolutionized the study of marriage. He uses rigorous scientific procedures to observe the habits of married couples in detail over many years for unprecedented insight into the inner workings of successful relationships. Learn how to build a positive dynamic with your spouse; Gain insight into the ways lasting marriages operate. This presentation is sure to spark some serious conversations about your relationship.
Think about it...when you look back at the end of your life, what will really matter?
FIVE WORDS...The quality of your relationships
The 100/0 Principle, The Secret of Great Relationships, may be the most important book you'll ever read.
Brian Tracy said..."Eighty percent of life's satisfaction comes from meaningful relationships." Think about it...when you look back at the end of your life what will really matter? Five words...the quality of your relationships.
So here's the question: If your relationships are the most important part of your life, what are you doing to make them all they can be?
The 100/0 Principle...The Secret of Great Relationships, may be the most important video you'll ever see. The message is truly life-changing. Author Al Ritter is a management consultant who works with CEO's, other leaders and teams, who are committed to achieving breakthrough results. Also, as a professional speaker, Al has delivered over 500 speeches, workshops and seminars.
Simply put, The 100/0 Principle is a video that can benefit anyone. It can make your marriage better and greatly improve your relationships with family members, friends, co-workers...even your boss.
Stephanie Coontz
Marriage has changed more in the last thirty years than in the previous five thousand, and few of the old "rules" for marriage still apply. In the courts, the op-ed pieces, and at the dinner table, battles rage over what marriage means, why people do it, and who can do it. Marriage, a History is the one book you need to understand not only the vicissitudes of modern marriage but also gay marriage, "living together" and divorce. Stephanie Coontz shatters dozens of myths about the past and future of married life and shows us why marriage, though more fragile today, can be more rewarding than ever before. => http://bit.ly/IzWlQW
Recently I came across a quote by Galileo that both puzzled me and that I liked. He said:"You cannot teach a man anything. You can only help him discover it within himself."
It is the first part of the quote "You cannot teach a man anything" that puzzled me. I find that knowing what to do or what to expect can make a big difference. My neighbor just had neck surgery. Learning what to expect in recovery, having specific exercises that will strengthen the neck muscles and understanding the pace of recovery have all been extremely useful in helping her emotionally deal with the slow recovery from this major surgery. Not only in physical matters but also knowing communication and relationship skills can make a big difference in life satisfaction.
The part of the quote that speaks to self-growth is "you can only help him discover it within himself" is so true. We all know deep inside us what we need. Often times that wisdom is hidden from us as we have built up defenses and shut off the ability to get in touch with our authentic self. By being open to discovering our essence we are able to discover strengths and talents that we may not have t known we had.
What is true about what Galileo says is that ultimately we each are responsible for ourselves. He understood that it is up to each of us to discover who we are and what we are capable of doing. My mother in her late eighties began crocheting afghans for her great-grandchildren. She knew how to crochet and was used to following patterns. This time however she took the bold step of designing each afghan herself and created a unique personalized design for each afghan. She did what Galileo said we all need. She discovered within her new talents and her work had a purpose of providing a memory for her great-grandchildren.
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As we take in information and expand our potential we end up discovering who we really are. It is then as Galileo said that "you cannot teach a man anything you can only help him discover it within himself."
To learn more about strengthening Communication in Relationships I invite you to visit http://www.relationshipcommunicationsimplified.com and claim your special report on SPEAK FROM THE HEART AND GROW YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
Kristina von Rosenvinge is passionate about helping individuals and couples grow in their self-mastery and increase their relationship skills in order to enjoy personal and business success.
"You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him."
Leo Aikman
Can you recall what anger in a relationship feels like? Anger is a learned reaction to something negative in a situation, often I would like you to think about what referred to as a trigger. It’s best described as an unbridled horse.
For instance, if you do not take control, it is likely to control you.
I would like you to think about what provokes your anger. Make a list of your specific anger triggers. Now, look at your list and think of additional ways to help deal with stressful situations. This simple exercise will help you to recognize and then admit to your anger.
