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Forgiving Without Condoning Or Forgetting

I suspect all of us have been hurt in deep and lasting ways by the words or acts of another. It's normal in such situations to feel hostility toward the person who hurt us. If we allow the offense to linger, we may carry the hurt and resentment in the form of a grudge. Usually this causes more unhappiness for us than the person we're mad at.

Some religions speak of forgiveness as a moral duty, others as a worthy virtue, and still others impose preconditions on the wrongdoer before he or she is entitled to be forgiven. Whatever your religious views, psychologists say the ability to forgive is closely correlated to happiness and mental health.
Some people refuse to even entertain the idea of forgiveness because they don't think the person they resent deserves to be forgiven. Others don't want to appear to condone or excuse the conduct and certainly don't want to reconcile with the person.

The essence of forgiveness is a voluntary decision to abandon continuing resentment, to let go of anger, and to move on. It doesn't require or imply condoning, excusing, or forgetting. Nor does it require that the forgiver re-establish a relationship with the wrongdoer.

According to Dr. Ben Dean, the capacity to forgive is related to the character strength of empathy. People who can empathize with an offender and see things from that person's perspective are much better able to forgive. He also says that the older we get, the more forgiving we're likely to become.
Hmmm. We usually get wiser, too. So maybe it's wise to forgive.

Michael Josephson
www.charactercounts.org

The Simple Stuff


I recently drove across Sydney Harbour Bridge on my way to a very important meeting.

I always make a point of being early for meetings, so I can absorb the experience, the surroundings, and the quiet of waiting for the others to show up. This particular morning I was completely spoilt by my surroundings! As I mentioned: first, the Harbour Bridge in all its glory. As I drove across it I marvelled at the fact that it was built at a time when there was about 4 cars in Sydney (or was it 5?), and officially opened in 1932. These days about 160,000 vehicles use the bridge each day. What foresight they had way back in the 1920's when they began such a project!

 There's a lesson in that for us all: Live in today, and for today! But make sure to plan and allow for the future!

As this magical day unfolded, I was then welcomed by the spectacle of Sydney Harbour on a perfect spring day of 25 degrees C. As I was nice and early for my meeting, I went for a walk around Circular Quay which took me to the Sydney Opera House which was showing off its presence just by being there!

 Of course I was spending time in and around one of the most picturesque places in the world, however, we don't have to be in Sydney, London, New York or Dubai City to be able to appreciate what is around us! Regardless of where we are every day - we are surrounded by beauty and splendour - if we care to look for it!

 We are surrounded by nature's gifts: the clouds; animal and bird life; the sun; the moon; the stars.... enjoy them, as they're free gifts.

 Fathers' Day jumped out of our social calendar recently here in Oz: and again, I felt blessed to be able to appreciate the simple, but priceless gifts that are in my life! My daughter hand-made me the best Fathers' Day card that I have ever seen! Wow! She took my favourite photo of her (when she was about 3 or 4); and created the most beautiful Fathers' Day card for me! A Priceless gift indeed!

We then shared a few hours of precious time together; walked around the foreshore of Newcastle Harbour; and marvelled at the beauty of our amazing surroundings!

Some of them will be the gifts of nature which are everywhere (when we choose to look); and some will be designed and built by us! Appreciation of what surrounds us costs absolutely nothing; and soon becomes a good habit to embrace and share with others. Here are a few more gifts that don't cost a cent!


 Eight Gifts that Don't Cost a Cent!

 This simple checklist can help measure how you are nurturing your relationships.

The Gift of Listening
But you must really listen. Don't interrupt, don't daydream, and don't plan your response. Just listen.

 The Gift of Affection
Be generous with appropriate hugs, kisses, pats on the back and handholds. Let these small actions demonstrate the love you have for family and friends.

 The Gift of Laughter
Clip cartoons. Share articles and funny stories. Your gift will say, "I love to laugh with you."

 The Gift of Solitude
There are times when we want nothing better than to be left alone.
Be sensitive to those times and give the gift of solitude to others.

 The Gift of a Favour
Every day, go out of your way to do something kind. Good deeds are cool.

 The Gift of a Written Note
It can be a simple "Thanks for your help" note, or a longer expression of your appreciation for that person being in your life. A brief handwritten note may be remembered for a lifetime.

 The Gift of a Compliment
A simple and sincere, "You look great in red," "You did a super job," or "That was a wonderful meal" can make someone's day.

 The Gift of a Cheerful Disposition
The easiest way to feel good is to extend a kind word to someone.

 These are eight important ways we can contribute toward whole and healthy relationships. They cost nothing, yet they may well be the most valuable gifts we can ever offer another person.


 Phil Evans
Phil Evans is a Personal Life Coach and Small Business Mentor specializing in Relationship Dynamics. He is a Keynote Speaker on Life Skills and a variety of Business Topics. Find out more at: www.peoplestuff.com.au

A Dream World

"I look at that family, that car, that house and that job and I think, what a dream..."

 I confess that years ago I gazed longingly at luxury cars. I dreamed of owning one, brand didn't matter, I wasn't picky, any one would do. I continued living in this dream world until one day I came to a simple yet powerful realization...that at one point in time a luxury car was a dream for the person who now drives it. With few exceptions, he or she didn't always have the skill or education to earn the money to buy that lavish ride. It was a dream for them...one that came to fruition through hard work and focus. I guess one could say that today, they are living a dream world?

 Over time I thought more about 'living a dream world' and bringing dreams to reality, until finally I arrived at a staggering yet unmistakable conclusion that it is all a dream. In the past I glanced at a Lexus or Mercedes and thought that person is 'living in a dream world.' Over time I have expanded my thoughts to conclude that everything we see, use, consume or have is a result of a dream...let me explain.

 The technology in the computer I type on at this very moment was a dream of many scientists years ago. The computer that now sits on my desk was made by a company that just a few short years ago called a garage their world wide corporate headquarters. What began as a dream of an energetic entrepreneur is now a worldwide fortune 500 company. The parts and assembly for this computer are the careful work of many hands, people who thought they would probably not be assembling computers for a living. Yet, this work lets them foster their dreams of providing a nice living for their family, an education, a new television, a daughter's wedding or a car for their teenager.

 This computer now rests on my desk, one that I dreamed of having in a study that I imagined years ago. I call my study 'the room of knowing.' Its walls are lined with articles I have published, book jackets from books I have written and some awards that I have won, accomplishments I only dreamed of years ago. It is called 'the room of knowing' because I now know I can accomplish my dreams if I set my mind to it, this room reminds me of that. It could also be called the 'room of dreams,' after all, that's where it all started. I guess one could say that as I type...I am working in a dream world, a world of my dreams (the study) and others (the computer)...

 As I drive to work this morning, I realize that I can run through the same 'dream' drill with my car. It was made by a company that started small...a dream. Engineers with a vision (or dream) designed it. Workers who are working a dream job because it provides for and creates their dreams assembled it. I can run the same dream drill with the STOP sign at the intersection by my home. It was put there by a crew who dreamed of working outside. In a subdivision that was a dream of a developer. Ordered by local, county and state laws, laws passed by people who dreamed of serving their community and country. The sign is in Cole County, Missouri, one of 50 states that make our great country, a country that began in the hopes, hearts and dreams of our forefathers.

 I could run through the same dream thought process as I pass the local McDonalds restaurant, my CPA's office, the public library or the state capital. I could do the same with the water at my tap or the road I drive on or the Green Tea that I quietly sip but that would be redundant, you get the point, each and everything around us is part of a dream that has reached fruition. This reality proves dreams do come true. That anything we touch, have, hold or use is a result of the hopes, energies and imaginations of the ones who create it...it is part of a dream world. Focus on 'a dream world' for just five minutes today and you will realize an appreciation, astonishment and empowerment that you have not felt before...you will literally be opening your eyes, for a first time, in a dream.
"I look at that family, that car, that house and that job and I think, what a dream..."


 Matt Forck
Matt Forck is a dad, husband, writer and speaker. Matt has published numerous articles on a variety of topics, and has authored several books. You may check out Matt's books or reach him through his web site: www.thecallproject.org

Start building your happy memories today by choosing to be happy.

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o’clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready. As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, one of the staff members provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window. “I love it,” he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy. “Mr. Jones, you haven’t seen the room; just wait!!” “That doesn't have anything to do with it,” he replied. “Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged. It’s how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It’s a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I’ll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I’ve stored away. Just for this time in my life.” Why not start building your happy memories today by choosing to be happy. Take charge of your thoughts today. It’s not your mind if you allow anyone and any media to fill it indiscriminately. It’s not your choice if you’re choosing between the options programmed for you to choose between. It’s past time to become the programmer of your own mind. To own happiness, you must first get beyond all those negative thoughts and feelings that have been foisted upon you as a part and parcel of your enculturation. Begin today by finding the good in all if it requires saying to yourself, “I can’t wait to see what good comes from this.” Hold onto that gratitude attitude and happiness will follow. Help another and the speed by which happiness arrives will be accelerated. Do a good deed every day and you will glue that happiness to you. Author:  Eldon Taylor

Take the time

Washington DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007.

He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes.

During that time approx 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.

 4 minutes later: the violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the till and, without stopping, continued to walk.

6 minutes:A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

 10 minutes: A 3 year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly, as the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced them to move on.

 45 minutes: The musician played. Only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32.

1 hour: He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars.

Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a real story.



Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.

The questions raised: in a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?

Do we stop to appreciate it?

Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments .... How many other things are we missing???

When we endure, hardships enable gifts beyond our comprehension

 

A man, riding his horse and carriage during winter, rode upon a woman and child sitting roadside dying of hunger and hypothermia. The woman was so feeble that she could hardly utter the words, “please help…”

Seeing the desperate situation of the two, he helped the child into the open buggy and gave the baby the only blanket. Once settled, he looked back at the woman, whipped the reins and took off leaving the mother.

So distraught, the woman screamed with a feral wrench at the theft of her child and began chasing the carriage on foot. Even though the tracks disappeared into the distance, she still ran following after in the snow.

Running into a village, she caught up to the man climbing out of the buggy with her child. Desperate with panic, she snatched back her child yelling for the village’s help at her would-be child’s kidnapper. Quickly she recounted the story to the villagers who began to restrain the carriage driver.

He protested. “I had no room for this woman, no blanket, no warmth. Had she felt her child in no danger, she would have surely died waiting my return since I could not take both mother and child. In her distress, she reignited the fire of life within her and remained alive, due to her struggle in the cold to run after the buggy.”

Often, life throws challenges at us not because we’re being punished, but so we can survive, so we can keep the fire of aliveness within us, and struggle to evolve.

My learning disabilities guided me to work with brain damaged and mentally ill children and transformed me into a Mensa keynote speaker for recognizing our hidden gifts in our worst perceived circumstances; overcoming obesity and osteochondrosis forced me to develop unique tools and techniques to help others embrace physical challenges rather than punish themselves with shame and guilt. Early familial violence led to being institutionalized in a childhood psychiatric hospital yet awakened my awareness of the excessive stress of physical abuse, shame and humiliation, and a lead to my career in researching health and fitness recovery mechanisms for overcoming trauma.

Certainly, at the time, hardships may feel like a punishing imprisonment. Yet when we endure, they enable gifts beyond our comprehension. There are no demons; only allies in our continued evolution.

I asked God to take away my habit. God said, No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.

I asked God to grant me patience. God said, No. Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn’t granted, it is learned.

I asked God to give me happiness. God said, No. I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain. God said, No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow. God said, No. You must grow on your own! But I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life. God said, No. I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.

I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me. God said… Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.

The next time you feel punished, that you’ve suffered some bad luck, misfortune, or unjust lot, be courageous, take action and endure. The events may be so difficult that gratitude may not be possible in the moment, but at least hold hope that your courage to endure will bring you benefits you cannot yet imagine. Hold fast; you do not know the progress you are making!

Very Respectfully,

Scott Sonnon

www.breathinggift.com (My free book and video gift to you.)
Www.positiveatmosphere.com

Heaven and Hell

 

I found this while I was cleaning out my inbox today.  It had been forwarded many times, so I have no idea of the author.  If you do know, please contact me and I will give attribution ...
 
A Holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, 'Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'
 
The Lord led the holy man to two doors. 

 

He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.

 

In the middle of the room was a large round table.. 

 

In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, 
which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.
  
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly.
  
They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful.
  
But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.  
 
The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.
 
The Lord said, 'You have seen Hell. They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one.
 
There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water.
  
The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.  
 
The holy man said, 'I don't understand.
  
'It is simple,' said the Lord. 'It requires but one skill.
  
You see, they have learned to feed each other. 

 

The greedy think only of themselves.'

 

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The Rose

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.

I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being..

She said, 'Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?'

I laughed and enthusiastically responded, 'Of course you may!' and she gave me a giant squeeze..

'Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?' I asked.

She jokingly replied, 'I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids...'

'No seriously,' I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

'I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!' she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.

We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this 'time machine' as she shared her wisdom and experience with me..

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she revelled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.

Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, 'I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know.'

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, ' We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.

There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humour every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.

We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!

There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.

If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.

Anybody! Can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.

The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets..'

She concluded her speech by courageously singing 'The Rose.'

She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those months ago.

One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.

Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.

When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they'll really enjoy it!

These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE..

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Confidence

[From:  Uma Rani]



The business executive was deep in debt and could see no way out.

Creditors were closing in on him. Suppliers were demanding payment. He sat on the park bench, head in hands, wondering if anything could save his company from bankruptcy.

Suddenly an old man appeared before him. "I can see that something is troubling you," he said.

After listening to the executive's woes, the old man said, "I believe I can help you."

He asked the man his name, wrote out a check, and pushed it into his hand saying, "Take this money. Meet me here exactly one year from today, and you can pay me back at that time."

Then he turned and disappeared as quickly as he had come.
The business executive saw in his hand a check for $500,000, signed by John D. Rockefeller, then one of the richest men in the world!

"I can erase my money worries in an instant!" he realized. 

But instead, the executive decided to put the uncashed check in his safe. Just knowing it was there might give him the strength to work out a way to save his business, he thought.

With renewed optimism, he negotiated better deals and extended terms of payment. He closed several big sales. Within a few months, he was out of debt and making money once again.

Exactly one year later, he returned to the park with the uncashed check.

At the agreed-upon time, the old man appeared. But just as the executive was about to hand back the check and share his success story, a nurse came running up and grabbed the old man.

"I'm so glad I caught him!" she cried. "I hope he hasn't been bothering you. He's always escaping from the rest home and telling people he's John D. Rockefeller."

And she led the old man away by the arm.

The astonished executive just stood there, stunned. All year long he'd been wheeling and dealing, buying and selling, convinced he had half a million dollars behind him.

Suddenly, he realized that it wasn't the money, real or imagined, that had turned his life around. It was his newfound self-confidence that gave him the power to achieve anything he went after.