Do You Recognize Resistance When You See It?
So, I'm trying to lose some weight. And I notice that the days that I declare to myself, "No sugar today," I end up eating sugar earlier than ever. I actually forget that I have even made myself this promise...usually until just a moment after the sugar is melting from my tongue.
Can you relate? Maybe not in this area, but we all have places where we do not keep promises to ourselves. Where do you do this?
Not following through on commitments is a form of resistance. You can probably see clearly how this resistance might sabotage my efforts toward my goal.
My resistance is brilliant. It continually takes new and different forms and is quite good at disguising itself and finding new ways to outsmart me. Your resistance is brilliant, too.
Resistance will keep us from achieving what we want and need. Worse than that, resistance has the power to sending us and our businesses careening in exactly the opposite direction.
Whether you are a leader in an organization or in your own life, anytime you find yourself in a change situation, you will find resistance. If you don't, you are not looking hard enough. It is the way of things. You will resist. Your staff will resist. Your boss will resist. Your clients will resist. Potential employers will resist. Your family will resist. The higher the stakes, the more resistance you will find.
If we are not aware that resistance is at work, resistance wins. But only 100% of the time.
Your only hope of overcoming resistance is to expect it. But even that isn't enough. You also have to value it and embrace it. You have to work with your resistance, not against it.
You have to get intimate with resistance. And that starts with recognizing it. Here's what you want to look for:
Obvious resistance is easy to spot:
Refusal
Arguing
Disruptive behavior The most powerful forms of resistance are usually much more subtle:
Not being available
Not getting started
Getting distracted and not completing
Offering misleading information
Bringing up other issues
Becoming very busy with something else
Getting sick
Anger
Irritation
Frustration
Confusion
Criticism
Silence
Feigning acceptance, without asking necessary questions or working out the details
Finding reasons to be removed from the task
Surfing the web
Compulsively checking your BlackBerry or iPhone
Oh yeah, and forgetting.
Which of these do you do? Which do you see the people you work with doing? Which do you see in your clients? Start noticing the signs of resistance in you and the people around you.
Remember resistance is very creative.
Next time, we'll talk about a few ways to work with your resistance.