So what if we were asked to define the Holy Grail for speakers?

What would you say?

This has me intrigued now.

So the Holy Grail is a feeling?

What is that feeling?

For me, then,

the feeling is natural

not forced,

confident without being egotistical,

though sometimes a performance.

It is uplifting,

a quiet satisfaction sometimes,

sometimes exhilarating.

It is absolute connection,

shared laughs, emotional highs, and sad lows,

sudden understanding

and joy in discovery,

all shared.

That is me, the speaker, but what about the listener,

the audience member,

what does that person see as the Holy Grail of speaking,

of being in an audience?

What does that feel like?

And I, like you, have sat in an audience, just as we have stood or sat or walked as the speaker.

What is that feeling, as an audience?

We wanted to feel that connection

that experience,

those emotions,

the energy,

those shared learnings,

that absolute connection.

Sometimes we wanted to be the only person in that audience, alone in the experience,

at other times we felt kinship with all the others sitting or standing or online beside us.

We wanted to trust,

for the feeling of communication to be natural,

unforced.

We wanted to feel somehow changed by the experience,

more prepared to face our challenges,

validated in our choices already made,

motivated to go ahead,

uplifted, entertained, bemused,

if only for the duration of the presentation.

Is this the holy grail of speaking,

and does it exist,

has it ever existed???????

florian

I don't like it.

I like Florien Mueck.

If you can get to his YouTube channel, do, he's worth watching.

But I wish he hadn't said that, or hadn't been quoted as saying that.

Starting with a negative.

No, there is no perfection.

I live in a household of sporting people, and the shelves are lined with trophies. In any sporting competition, there are distinct winners and losers. A swimming race, say, takes a measured amount of time and the fastest wins. Simple and cut-and-dried (usually!)

A speech on the other hand ... well! I have won many speaking competitions since about the age of 12. I have lost just as many. People come to me afterwards and tell me they thought I won. Sometimes I agreed, sometimes not. Despite the number of very well articulated criteria, there will always be that element of subjectivity involved. I know. I also judge!

So if there is no cut-and-dried "best" speaker, how can there ever be a "perfect" speaker, or a perfect speech?

Perfect according to whom? Perfect according to what criteria?

What if, on the other hand, we went to the second part of this quote and look at a speaking high.

What does that look like? What does that feel like?

To me, it feels like being in flow

- speaking fluently and with enthusiasm

- connecting with members of the audience so that they respond with emotion, or they participate

- it can feel powerful

- it can feel gratifying

- it can feel something close to perfection

And if we looked at the audience members after the speech, they would be doing what we, as speakers, aimed to have them do - repeating, remembering, rehiring, buying, changing, being motivated, or any number of other things we had designed.

It's what keeps me speaking, meeting the challenge to be the best I can be, to climb higher and higher towards

no, not a mountain top,

not a peak

not perfection even, whatever that may be,

but certainly to more highs and greater heights.

And of course the corollary is that we all need to avoid becoming complacent, thinking that there is no better in us, no better experience we an provide, no need to strive or create anything new or better.

So, yes, Florian, I agree with you, and the quote stirred me to do that!!

And it's what I want for all of us here - you, Florian, me and all of our fellow speakers and readers.

 

  
 
 

In a book that challenges authoritarian thinking about motivation, a distinguished social psychologist offers an alternative to current reward/punishment theory, which, far from anarchy, espouses our ordered, internalized sense of freedom, responsibility, and commitment.

 
 
 
 

If you reward your children for doing their homework, they will usually respond by getting it done. 

But is this the most effective method of motivation? 

No, says psychologist Edward L. Deci, who challenges traditional thinking and shows that this method actually works against performance. 

The best way to motivate people--at school, at work, or at home--is to support their sense of autonomy. 

Explaining the reasons why a task is important and then allowing as much personal freedom as possible in carrying out the task will stimulate interest and commitment, and is a much more effective approach than the standard system of reward and punishment.

 We are all inherently interested in the world, argues Deci, so why not nurture that interest in each other? Instead of asking, "How can I motivate people?" we should be asking, "How can I create the conditions within which people will motivate themselves?"

”An insightful and provocative meditation on how people can become more genuinely engaged and succesful in pursuing their goals." —Publisher's Weekly

About Edward Deci

Edward L. Deci, Ph.D., professor of pyschology at the University of Rochester, is director of its human motivation program. Richard Flaste, former Science and Health Editor of The New York Times, led the team that won the Pulitzer Prize for national reporting in 1987.

If you want to buy the book, best price for Australians is from The Book Depository.  You can also buy from Amazon

ingredient

Memorability is important for us speakers, as it is for anyone building a brand, creating change, inspiring action, or wanting to be rehired.  

If you want your audience to remember your message, there are several wonderful ingredients you can add to the mix.

Today let's look at this one

... create an emotional connection. 

Maya Angelou is quoted as saying   “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” 

When you make an emotional connection, you open up the pathways in your audience’s brains that facilitate recall.  Whatever you associate with that emotion will be retained along with the emotion, in their memories. 

If you want to introduce a new way of thinking or doing for your audience to adopt, create an emotional connection.  Having already researched your audience, you should have some idea of what excites them, what they cry about, what their problems are.  And you can use that information to connect to their emotions.  Use examples that will push those buttons, appeal to what matters to them most. 

Tell stories that create an emotion.

Use words that heighten emotion. 

Use emotive verbs.  Rather than “she said” use “she screamed”, rather than “he went” use “he raced”.  Give your adjectives and adverbs the same treatment. 

You can watch your audience as you go, and get a feel for what moves them.

It is also a fact that while statistics and logic and facts and figures are useful in supporting a point, they will not have the power over your audience that emotion does.  People will make decisions (and give you their attention) based on emotions … and justify them afterwards with logic.

So create an emotional connection with your audience and mix it in and around your facts, statistics and testimonials to engage your audience, have them remember your message and be open to making changes in their lives. 

not_story

"Always lead with a story".

I wonder who gave him that advice?

It sounds feasible, even powerful.

Stories ARE powerful.

They engage, build credibility, create an emotional tone, set the scene.

And all of those things are what is needed from a speech opening.

But they are not the only options for a speech opening.

You can do something that really GRABS attention, if that is necessary.  And you will waste anything that is not aimed at getting attention and holding  it ... like saying "hello" or testing the microphone.  But between those extremes there are many choices.  You can open with a quote, you can use a different language or colloquialism, you can use humour, you can ask a question.  You can refer to a person or event that has local interest at the moment you speak.

And you can use story.

But certainly not ONLY story.

Does this audience relate to story?  Do they value that emotional connection?  Perhaps they are sleepy after lunch.  A story, unless it is incredibly punchy, may be too slow.

Has something happened immediately before your speech that MUST be addressed?  Avoid that or, indeed, the elephant in the room, and you lose a powerful opportunity to connect and engage.

Is this a regular gig?  Perhaps you periscope your tips every few days.  If you open with the same signature story every single time and, congratulations!, you have regular followers, they certainly don't want to hear it over and over again.  "For Goodness' sake," I mutter, "you promised me 5 tips on this thing, get on with them!!"  "And you don't have to sell me on who you are, I KNOW you already!"

Please don't open with a story unless you have it fine-tuned and powerful.  You need to know exactly what you are creating with the story, why you are using it, and have removed anything that does not contribute to that outcome.   This is especially true if you are trying to establish your credibility.  One tiny flaw, one tiny doubt in that story, one weakness and you have me doubting you, wondering about that weakness or doubt and I lose the trust you need me to have and you have to build it up again.  Those tips, that content, had better be good!

Make sure, too, that the story does actually serve some sort of purpose.  I understand that story creates connections, all on its own.  It also creates it own energy, no matter where you use it in the speech.  But we, your audience, are creatures with short attention spans, especially if we discovered you as we were flicking through the internet, or are sitting in your audience reading from devices.  Tell me a pointless story and you insult me and lose my attention.  I return to my browsing.  I gave you my time and attention in hope of receiving something of use, or an experience worth attending.    Reassure me that that is what I am getting by having the purpose of the story absolutely obvious - at some time soon!!

I say "Thank you" to the man who provoked me to write this article.  I like him and I value his content.  I was just sad and irritated to see him devaluing himself by taking advice that wasn't suitable to his uses.

"Lead with a story", by all means but not ALWAYS!

 

......................................................

You might also be interested in:

All Marketers Are Liars: The Power of Telling Authentic Stories in a Low Trust World

The story of a secret – your secret

Standing out in the deluge

“The Story is Everything”

 

 


1769, in Yarmouth, Maine - a seed from an elm tree, carried by a gentle breeze, floated through the air and settled to the ground. Dry leaves quickly covered it. A warm rain fell. The wet leaves stuck to the ground. Like a womb, they protected and nourished. Under their cover, the tiny seed came to life. Small, vein-like roots reached into the earth and sought nourishment. A delicate sprout pushed the protective leaves aside. Little leaves unfolded and experienced sunshine for the first time. If a tree could smile, this fragile sprout would have.


Years passed. The elm grew at a startling rate of three to six feet a year. As it grew, so did its sense of awareness. The spreading branches acted like a satellite dish. They picked up the signals from near-by trees. The number of elms grew. Each one communicated with the others. They told of all they saw and experienced. There were times when the growing elm was overwhelmed with information from the hundreds of elms that were planted along the shaded streets of the expanding little town.

In 1780, the elm's branches stretched thirty feet into the air. From this lofty height, it sensed the presence of British ships, as they sailed into the harbour. Men dressed in uniform and carrying weapons came to shore. Under the elm's shade, three Americans discussed battle plans. The American Revolutionary War had come to Yarmouth.
Smoke drifted on the breeze. The elm tasted the bitterness of gunpowder for the first time. That evening, as the sun sank below the horizon, a young American, badly wounded, leaned against the elm's trunk. The elm sensed his prayers, as the young man died. His blood soaked the soil. The elm tasted death.

From 1790 to 1890, the normal chatter the tree picked up from the others diminished. The elm watched more than three hundred ships, built from the bodies of his brethren, sail out of the harbour and beyond the horizon.

The tree was almost one hundred years old, when a group of men rested in its shade. They carried muskets as they traveled south into the battle. The American Civil War was underway, and the elm sensed death again.

The small town grew as did the elm. From 1914 to 1918, the elm saw ships, now made of steel, patrol beyond the harbour. It sensed death beyond the waters, as men sailed away to fight the First World War.

On December 7, 1941, a group of young men gathered under the shade of the now mighty elm. The tree sensed excitement and fear. "Japan bombed Pearl Harbour." One said. "I can't believe it." Another stated. "It looks like we're going to war, men." The trees leaves hung limp in the still air. It felt death was near again.

In the 1950's, the elm towered close to one hundred feet tall. With so much area, its sense-perception was at a peak. It sensed the communication of from trees miles away, and what it sensed caused fear. More death was on the horizon. It wasn't man this time. It was the elms, as Dutch elm disease spread across the United States, wiping out millions of trees, leaving many small towns changed. Where once streets were lined with elms, there were now stumps.

One morning, the tree felt the first signs of disease. It branches, which once sensed all things, now seemed numb. It tried to communicate with the others, but only garbled replies came in return. The elm knew it was sick.

Tree warden, Frank Knight, had the sad task of taking many of these trees down, but when he looked up at this one towering giant, he couldn't bring himself to do it. He knew it had stood sentinel over Yarmouth since before the Revolution. This one he would try to save.
For fifty years, Mr. Knight carefully nursed the old elm. He sprayed for pests and pruned diseased branches. One time, as they trimmed, a young girl asked, "What are you doing to Herbie?"

"Herbie? Who's Herbie?" One of the workers asked.

"The tree. He's Herbie."

The name stuck. Herbie, although sick, always sensed Frank's presence. Instead of the death Herbie often felt throughout his lifetime, in Frank there was peace. It was a friendship between man and tree.

Frank Knight is now 101 years old and has lost the battle. Herbie, estimated to be close to 240 years old has to be brought down. For fifty years, Herbie's sense-perception dimmed steadily. Now there is blackness. His time has come.

He was scheduled to be brought down on January 18, 2010, but a snow storm gave him a one day pardon. On the 19th of January, 2010, Maine will lose a majestic, 110 foot king.
Herbie's remains are to be turned into usable items and auctioned off. The proceeds will be used to plant disease resistant elms, which will once again grace the streets of Yarmouth, Maine.


Michael T. Smith

Michael lives with his lovely wife, Ginny, in Caldwell, Idaho. He works as a project manager in Telecommunications and in his spare time writes inspiration stories. He has recently been published in two Chicken Soup for the Soul Books (All in the Family and Things I Learned from My Cat), in "Thin Threads - Life Changing Moments" and in Catholic Digest. To sign up for Michael's stories go to: http://visitor.constantcontact.com/d.jsp?m=1101828445578&p=oi
To read more of his stories, go to: http://ourecho.com/biography-353-Michael-Timothy-Smith.shtml#stories