For close to 100 years, most stress researchers have defined stress as the non-specific response of the body to any demand. If you really want to take control of your stress you need to do something really revolutionary and break away from this outdated conceptualization of stress.
Stress is much more than a non-specific response. If you stop and think about it there has to be at least one other thing involved; what triggered the response. Most stress-researchers of the past 30 years would also argue that there is a third component, what your mind tells you about the trigger and your ability to cope with it.
Realizing this I combine the three components and define stress as a combination of three things: a potential stressor, what your mind tells you about your ability to cope with it and (3) a stress response that kicks in if you feel unable to cope with it.
Viewing stress this way is revolutionary and it changes you in the following ways:
- You stop being a victim who believes that stress is something that just happens to you, and is beyond your control.
- You start viewing stress as something more than just "bills, traffic, Hurricane Irma, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton", or a million other things that you are exposed to every day.
- You start accepting that what your mind tells you about potential stressors and your ability to cope with them is the key to managing your stress.
- You start accepting that the jump from potential stressor to stress response does not have to automatically happen because you can intervene in all three components of stress..
Let me explain how:.When it comes to stress, words are everything.
Just substituting the words potential stressors, for stressors, begins to defuse their power to create stress.
By calling things potential stressors you stop accepting the outdated belief that certain things are universally stressful for everyone under all circumstances. The whole notion of universal stressors is nonsense and outdated.
Let me give you an example of a universal stressor that doesn't always hold up. In their original studies of life events, Holmes & Rahe (1967), pioneer stress researchers, identified the death of a loved one as the most universal of all stressors. They gave this life event a score of 100 points and gave it the most weight in determining if someone would suffer from a stress-related illness in the coming year.
Since then, countless studies have disproven their findings regarding the universality of Life Events. For example, the death of a loved one is not always viewed by people as a stressor.
Step back and try to think about this objectively for a second. I know this is difficult because death of a loved one hits all of us hard.
If you lost a child or a friend in their teens or 20s to an unexpected accident, injury, or violent crime would you view it the same way that would view the loss of your mom or dad who was in their 90s, had been suffering from a painful, debilitating illness, and had been constrained to a hospital bed for months or even years?
I'm sorry, I know this is painful to imagine or to revisit if you have experienced such loss. I have been there so I am asking for your forgiveness as I try to make this point.
While both losses represent the death of a loved one, would your mind view them the same way?
While you probably would feel guilty or ashamed admitting it, you might feel that the latter death was a blessing in disguise. In fact, if you are totally objective about it, the death of your mom or dad actually ended their pain and suffering and reduced your stress.
I faced this with the death of my mom who suffered for years with painful, debilitating illnesses that had her in and out of emergency rooms, hospitals and rehabilitation facilities. On many occasions she asked me to promise her that I would not let doctors or others keep her alive against her will when it was time to pass. I watched her waste away in a nursing home and ultimately hospice care and when she finally passed I must admit that I felt relief and a reduction in stress because I knew she suffered no more and her wishes had been granted.
When you can categorize something as powerful as the death of a loved one as a potential stressor, you can begin to view most other things as trivial, and not even worth getting stressed out over.
When you realize that the determining factor in triggering the stress response is what your mind tells you about potential stressors, and your ability to cope with them, it opens up a whole new world of coping possibilities.
Think about those words for a minute; what your mind tells you about potential stressors and your ability to cope. Those are two different areas that you can begin to work on.
One of the reasons I asked you to start keeping a stressor journal in the last column was to help you begin to look more critically at your potential stressors. When you do that you start asking questions such as; " Is that really threatening?", " Is this really worth getting stressed out about?", "Is that such a big loss that I am going to let myself get all stressed out over?", "Did what she say/do/imply really harm me in some way?"
Most clients who work with me for a few months find that when they first start out, they tend to overestimate the threat, harm and loss posed by potential stressors and underestimate their ability to cope with it. Their minds tend to blow things out of proportion and they do not give themselves enough credit for being able to cope.
After a few months of working with me that trend reverses. They laugh when they look back at their stressor journals and see how they tended to overestimate threat and underestimate their ability to cope.
Part of the change comes from learning that sometimes what your mind tells you about potential stressors, and your ability to handle them is not very accurate, helpful, or stress reducing.
Another reason for the change is their increased ability to cope. Over a few months they learn new and effective coping skills. This new-found set of skills leads to a more positive mental outlook regarding their coping. Stress experts call this your perceived ability to cope.
In other words your mind starts to tell you, "I can cope with that" when confronted with the same potential stressors that used to trigger a stress response. Once this happens, the power of your mind stops the stress response dead in its tracks.
Lastly, there are several ways to short-circuit the stress response even after it is triggered. Face it, sometimes potential stressors are real threats that you can't do anything about. In this case your mind signals the alarm and your body mobilizes energy to fight or flee.
What you can do to minimize the harmful effects of this response is cancel it out by triggering a relaxation response. In other words, even when you do get stressed you can keep the effects of this response to a minimum by not letting it continue any longer than necessary.
There are many ways to induce a relaxation response but the key is recognizing that you are stressed, and making the commitment to do something about it as soon as possible.
Dr Rich Blonna is an expert in understanding how the mind and body work together in creating and managing stress. He is the author of several stress self-help books and courses and the popular college textbook, Coping With Stress in a Changing World 5th Ed; McGraw-Hill Publishing. He is a retired Professor Emeritus from William Paterson University in NJ. Find out more: http://www.drrichblonna.com
>According to the 2014 Stress in America Survey, conducted and published by the American Psychological Association:
• 72% of U.S. adults reported feeling very stressed about money;
• 26% of respondents reported feeling stressed about money most or all of the time;
• 41% of those married or living with a partner reported having lost patience or yelled at their partner due to stress in the last month;
• 18% reported losing their tempers with coworkers;
• 35% reported constant nervousness or anxiety; and
• 32% reported prolonged periods of depression or sadness.
How Can You Keep Your Cool?
While you may not be able to change stressful external circumstances, you can change your response.
Mindfulness is a scientifically proven approach to self-calming and increased compassion toward others, and it can help alleviate all of these struggles you might be having.
So what exactly is mindfulness and how might it help you?
Mindfulness is defined as "the awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally only to the unfolding of experience moment by moment" (Kabat-Zinn, 2003).
The definition of mindfulness has several components:
1. Using self-regulation of attention either by focusing on your inner experience or outer experience in the present moment. The focus is on being present to your immediate experience, which allows an increased awareness of the now.
2. Adopting an attitude of curiosity, openness, and acceptance toward your experiences in the present moment.
3. Refraining from turning away from unpleasant experiences and instead maintaining an open and compassionate attitude and a willingness to let things be as they are.
4. Focusing more on conscious control of your inner state instead of unconscious reliving of past learning.
Mindfulness is a systematic approach that has been rigorously studied by science. It is not a religion and it is compatible with many different faiths. Mindfulness practices have been found to reduce stress, anxiety, and burnout. Those who practice it are able to increase their self-esteem, empathy, self acceptance and regulation of emotion, due to their ability to take conscious control of thought processes.
Mindfulness has been extensively researched and shown to help with stress management, self-compassion, pain management, and overall happiness. Though it requires practice and attention, and is therefore not for everyone, there is a formal practice called Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction developed and researched by Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn of the University of Massachusetts Medical School Center for Mindfulness.
Mindfulness Practice
In my work as a psychotherapist, I developed a way to help my clients practice mindfulness throughout the day: Thinking of the word NOW is a reminder to drop into the present moment and pay attention without judgment.
• "N" stands for NOW, a reminder to stop, breathe, and attend to the present.
• "O" stands for OPPORTUNITY, a reminder to learn the lessons of living and become better instead of bitter.
• "W" stands for WITHIN, a reminder that regardless of life circumstances, you can find inner resources within yourself for healing and wholeness.
Train Your Brain
One problem with the evolution of our brains is that the "low road" part of our brain evolved for survival purposes, and has a quick startle response to anything that seems threatening. Of course, there are very few immediate threats in our current life, and so most of us overreact to things that we need not fear. We may overreact to a frown from an authority figure, back talk from our child, or an unkind gesture from our spouse. We can benefit in all of these situations from taking what scientists call the "high road" in the brain, and not responding from a startle or fear response. This allows for more informed decision-making instead of simply reacting based upon past learning.
When you are able to be fully present and aware, you have an open mind and open heart that are better able to make creative and meaningful choices. You learn life lessons and develop flexible new behaviors that lead to realizing your full potential. When we follow the low road in our brain, our potential is limited by our past learning.
As a result of adopting a full awareness of the present reality, we discover new opportunities and focus on positive feelings connected with inner potential and strengths. In other words, we are better able to develop our best self-based on acting from love, not fear.
Change Your Brain
Mindfulness practices have been proven by neuroscience to actually change the structure and function in the brain. When we engage in a regular practice of mindfulness for at least eight weeks, there is a thickening of the high road regions of the prefrontal cortex, the area relevant to an individual's ability to focus and engage in reflection prior to taking action. There is also a thinning of fear activation in the amygdala, the low road part of the brain, and this helps us to break the pattern of reactive fight or flight responses. Science has also found that mindfulness practice can help people defuse ill feelings or negativity by augmenting the brain's gamma waves, which are associated with an increased ability to tolerate ambiguity and relinquish control.
When you are able to let go of the need to be right or perfect, there's an increased integration of body, emotion, and mind. You learn to see a person with the freshness of mind and an openness of heart. Although you care about the pain and suffering of others, you're able to remember that you cannot make choices for them or control their lives.
Jon Kabat-Zinn also describes mindfulness as an inclusion of an affectionate, compassionate quality with the sense of open-hearted friendly presence and interest. For example, rather than immediately reacting from the low road if someone has made a comment that you find threatening, you stop in a curious way and ask, what do you mean? Countless arguments could be avoided on the basis of that one question. Either you misunderstood the meaning, or, if you take the high road, you become curious about what is going on and thus take a more effective response.
In summary:
• Mindfulness is a systematic and scientific approach to relaxation and stress reduction.
• Mindfulness helps take you to the higher regions of your brain such as the frontal cortex where you are able to make more informed and creative decisions.
• Mindfulness helps adapt to modern realities where most threats are actually in our minds.
• The physical structure of the brain can be altered through regular practice of mindfulness, for at least eight weeks.
• It is possible to train your brain to be more agile, flexible, and in a state of learning new and better ways to handle your life.
Dr. Linda Miles, is a highly regarded psychotherapist with over 30 years experience. Her book The New Marriage,Transcending the Happily Ever After Myth was a finalist for the Foreward Book of the Year Award. She has written many articles for professionals and published in national magazines such as Parents and Entrepreneur. Learn more about Mindfulness at http://www.mindfulnessrewrites.com
“A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes.” ~ Gandhi
You’ve heard it all before and Gandhi is right – we are self-made.
Think it, feel it, behave like it and you become it.
What is ‘it’? ‘It’ is the consequences of our mind. Never under-estimate the power of your fastest vehicle towards a fulfilling life – your psyche.
Monkey Minds Block Prosperity
Deliberation and images are constantly dancing around in your mind. What you have to buy at the supermarket, whether you switched off the iron, and don’t forget to pick up little Johnny after school. A ‘monkey mind’ can divert you from quality thoughts. If you are busy focusing on minor issues that can take care of themselves then you miss the opportunity to nurture major possibilities.
Do not sweat the small stuff.
Make a list of all the things you don’t want to be bothered with. Use a diary to full advantage. These simple steps actually do free the mind. List writing before bed is a technique used to settle the ‘monkey mind’ to allow time for rest.
Choose wisely.
If you don’t like a song on the radio, you no doubt will flick the switch until you come across something that resonates with your personal frequency. Do the same with your thoughts – turn off from the rubbish.
A step towards prosperity - Move away from complacency.
No one grows until they become uncomfortable. Break the mould and take a plunge. I once read that people who always stick to the same old routine are more likely to get dementia. Try something new each day. This triggers off the belief that you are willing to step forward in your life. Have dinner at a different time or try a new hair style. It doesn’t matter what you change as long as it is peculiar. Treat yourself like you are someone special because you are.
No critical self-talk even when you think you are joking.
Every negative word is a vibration going out to the universe … the provider of abundance. Some common examples would be: “I’m such an imbecile.” No one is an idiot. As a matter of fact, not anyone! We all make mistakes and have to learn from goof-ups or experiences. Each single blooper does not define a complete person on the whole. If your value is a billion dollars, (actually, it is uncountable) and each error is worth a dollar then you are extremely unlikely to run out of value. Next time you find yourself in a troubled situation, think of it as ‘loose change’ in the scheme of things. “I never do anything right.” ‘Never’ is a big word. Surely, you cannot go throughout life and not do zilch right. No one does everything wrong and no one can only do right. I learnt this the hard way. At the other end of the scale, bragging about always being correct and not doing wrong also sends a negative message. Boasting about not getting a traffic ticket in my entire driving history, I was caught speeding the next day. Never say ‘never’. “I’m ugly, skinny, and dumb, obese, unloved, stupid, broke, and misunderstood” are all untruths. Yes, big fat lies! Change the programming. If you are in a relationship, where another person berates you, then do not put up with it. Affirmation: “I am a unique and amazing creation of this universe and I embrace the opportunity to grow to my full potential.”
Tips for prosperity
- Giggle your way to a better quality life.
Stimulate the production of endorphins and change your brain chemicals through any enjoyable exercise, sport and a good belly laugh. Be happy – be worthy. Light-hearted folk are healthy-minded individuals. If you are having a dreadful day then stop, look and listen and ask why? If it is for no apparent reason, then pick your own brain; what have you been thinking about lately? Brooding ferments dilemmas, but envisaging ideas split problems down into chewable pieces.
- Do not be needy.
Have you ever wondered why people who seem to already have enough come into luck? The answer is they are not desperate. Even when the electricity may be switched off and the phone company is hounding you for a payment … do not think ‘needy’. This is the hardest advice to follow when you are broke and is easier said than done, but with practise is accomplishable.
- Do not be wasteful.
Respect what you have. Use the half tomato in the fridge before it rots. Switch off lights and turn off the television and computer when you are not using them.
- Do not be a whinger.
A quote that goes back to my childhood is: ‘I once complained that I had no shoes until I met a man with no feet’. Complaining and whingeing wastes your brain-power – they are useless thoughts interfering with productive activity.
- Be thankful for every little element in your life. Keep a gratitude journal and list people, objects and circumstances that you are appreciative of. The universe loves to be thanked.
- Enjoy small delights such as the smell of coffee, watching your children play or your spouse snoring in an arm-chair. Recognition of the little treasures in life fertilise bigger abundance.
- Clear away old clutter on every level of your life. Make the space to think and feel the freedom that comes from prosperity.
Reflection:
Do you use affirmations to attract prosperity?
Do you keep a gratitude journal?
When was the last time you had a good belly laugh?
How often do you exercise?
Do you complain?
Dawn Alice is a Tasmanian Psychic and Author, who has superior knowledge of the Tarot and Numerology with expertise in the area of metaphysics. Dawn Alice is also a Reiki Master with a deep understanding of Crystal and Colour Therapy.
Visit Dawn's Profile at https://wp.me/p7YDMV-w8
Introducing a remarkable new character from #1 New York Times bestseller David Baldacci:
Her name is Atlee Pine. She has unstoppable tenacity, always a fighter who is unwilling to cede any ground. She has endured real nightmares and she has the emotional and physical scars to show for it. And she got that long before she became an adult.
She is a FBI Special Agent assigned to the wilds of the western US. She has to cover, often solo, vast tracts of area: Wyoming, Montana, Idaho, Colorado, Arizona. Small towns, impossibly long distances in-between, isolation like most on the East Coast have never experienced, and an environment where anything can and does happen.
Ever since her twin sister was abducted by a notorious serial killer at age five, Atlee has spent her life hunting down those who hurt others. And she's the best at it. She could be one of the Bureau's top criminal profilers, if she didn't prefer catching criminals in the vast wilderness of the West to climbing the career ladder in the D.C. office. Her chosen mission is a lonesome one--but that suits her just fine.
Now, Atlee is called in to investigate the mutilated carcass of a mule found in the Grand Canyon--and hopefully, solve the disappearance of its rider. But this isn't the only recent disappearance. In fact, it may be just the first clue, the key to unraveling a rash of other similar missing persons cases in the canyon....
Working with the locals who respect, and also sometimes fear her, and have never really been allowed to know her, Atlee Pine turns her vast investigative skills and unmatched drive to find out the truth. Along the way she will revisit painful memories of her own, come to grips with what she is and what she might one day aspire to be. But in the end, she will have to confront not only a new monster, but also the old one of her nightmares.
AUTHOR INFORMATION
David Baldacci is one of the world's bestselling and favourite thriller writers, and one of the world's favorite storytellers. His books are published in over 45 languages and in more than 80 countries, with over 130 million worldwide sales. His works have been adapted for both feature film and television. He has established links to government sources, giving his books added authenticity.
David Baldacci has been writing since childhood, when his mother gave him a lined notebook in which to write down his stories. (Much later, when David thanked her for being the spark that ignited his writing career, she revealed that she'd given him the notebook to keep him quiet, because "every mom needs a break now and then.") David published his first novel, ABSOLUTE POWER, in 1996. A feature film followed, with Clint Eastwood as its director and star. In total, David has published 36 novels for adults; all have been national and international bestsellers and several have been adapted for film and television. His novels have been translated into more than 45 languages and sold in more than 80 countries, with over 130 million worldwide sales. David has also published six novels for younger readers.
David received his Bachelor's degree from Virginia Commonwealth University and his law degree from the University of Virginia School of Law, after which he practiced law in Washington, D.C.
In addition to being a prolific writer, David is a devoted philanthropist, with his greatest efforts dedicated to his family's Wish You Well Foundation®. Established by David and his wife, Michelle, the Wish You Well Foundation supports family and adult literacy in the United States by fostering and promoting literacy and educational programs. The Foundation also partners with Feeding America on the Feeding Body & Mind initiative to address the connection between literacy, poverty and hunger. Through Feeding Body & Mind, more than 1 million new and gently used books have been collected and distributed through food banks to families in need.
Still a resident, with his family, of his native Virginia, he invites you to visit him at DavidBaldacci.com and his foundation at WishYouWellFoundation.org.David and his family live in Virginia.
You can buy the book from the Book Depository
Businesses, like buildings, require a blueprint or a design plan. Could you just start building and putting up walls? Sure, you can start enthusiastically and creatively, but there will come a point where parts aren't coming together as they should and your efforts begin to feel unproductive, confused or even wasted.
Entrepreneurs begin businesses in many ways based on their personalities and belief systems. Some need detailed, well researched plans. Others jump in, get clients and are rolling before they've even decided what business they choose to be in. Then there is everyone in between.
For some, planning dampens their enthusiasm, for others, it's an absolute necessity. Regardless, the planning process itself is a great exercise, pushing the business owner to develop clarity and goals in key areas.
Where it gets interesting in my opinion, is after the plan is finished. How is it used? Is it used at all? Does it prove to be a guiding light or a rigid limiter?
For one to adhere to very detailed plans, the business owner, the organization and the plan have to be well aligned. The plan should be reviewed and revised regularly, quarterly or monthly, so that congruency remains intact.
For the non-planner types, a business blueprint provides vision, structure and general form. It's a useful framework, providing structure, direction and purpose, while leaving plenty of room to shift and create over time.
Here are some key components of a business blueprint that can serve as the foundation for your developing business:
1. Your Vision - There is something you envision when you go into business. Capture that vision on paper. Why are you driven to be in business at all? Who do you serve and how? At its future best, what does it all look like as it plays out?
Specificity in your vision is key. This is the "down the road" snapshot that you hold in your mind as the prize. The plan is designed to help you reach this vision, so the clearer the vision, the more helpful the plan.
2. The Why - Document and regularly remind yourself of why this vision matters to you. Your "big why" is any reason you have that is meaningful enough to drive you through challenges and difficult times. Identify your most significant reasons for being in business and remind yourself of why you are willing to do what it takes to recommit each day.
3. Unique Brilliance - Your unique brilliance is that special life force that you bring to your business that makes it authentically you and gives it power. If you examine what you have always loved (from childhood), attach words or qualities to it, you have something truly special that brands and differentiates your business because of the qualities you bring.
Your brilliance isn't a technique or skill, it's a talent that emanates from you and permeates your work. For example, a unique brilliance statement might be: "I spark innovation." Keep it simple yet powerful. Think of Walt Disney. I believe his childlike imagination was his unique brilliance, and look how that played out.
4. A Stand - What is an overarching principle of your business? Are you taking a stand for something in your business that transcends the products and services? State what you stand for that is expressed through your business. For example, "I am a stand for people communicating effectively to make the world a more harmonious place."
5. Expertise - What are you an expert at? This is still aimed at the business owner, but is more related to the work he/she is doing. What expertise do you have (and should your team have) that will drive the business forward. An example might be, "I am an expert at making people beautiful." This expertise will be used in the business and in the branding.
6. Brand Values - Identify the brand promise you are making to the market you serve. This is the promise of an experience they can expect to have when working with you regardless of the product or service. What values are necessary to provide that consistent experience? As an example, consider Four Seasons Hotels and the experience you have there whether you stay in a suite or just have dinner in the bar.
7. Target Niche - Who specifically is your ideal customer? Choose as narrow a niche as you can so your marketing can be very targeted and specific. This is not intended to turn people away, but to give you as clear a picture as you can get of the client or customer who is best served by what you have to offer and your expertise. These are the people you need to speak to in your messaging as they will be most willing to engage.
8. Products/Services - Define and describe exactly what you are offering to your niche audience. What products or service does your business provide and why? What is the intention for each one? What results should customers expect from what you offer? What differentiates your products and services from similar ones on the market?
9. Marketing and Sales - Provide details of how you will market your products and services and what your sales process will look like. Regular attention should be paid to the optimal ways of reaching your audience and turning them into paying customers. Identify mechanisms for tracking what works and what doesn't. Great communication and consistent branding is key here.
Related:
Is Your Business Ready For Mobile Marketing?
10. Delivery System - How will customers receive the products or services being offered? From beginning to end, there is benefit to designing and implementing good systems for efficient and high quality product/service delivery. Consider detailing this out for every category of service or product.
11. Operations - What are the front and back office activities that make the organization work seamlessly and efficiently? Who are the players? There is a flow of production, communication, information, transaction, and follow up that happens in every business. Design the best operational systems for each area of your business and document the desired flow and the team necessary to make it work.
12. Pricing - Identify pricing structures for your goods and services that cover costs and provide reasonable profit margins. This requires that you do your research into the cost structure of your business in all areas, as well as gaining an understanding of the range of comparable pricing in the marketplace.
13. Financial Goals/Tracking - Every business must have financial goals to strive for and ways of tracking key financial targets. Identify five to ten key revenue drivers and set up tracking and reporting mechanisms to see where you are headed and if your strategies are yielding results.
14. Personnel/Team - Whatever your current size, plan how your organizational chart will look when you reach your goals. In your future vision, how many people are working in the organization and in what capacities? Assign a value to your time as the business owner. If you can hire someone for less than the value of your time, you want to work to that end. Continue that analysis throughout the organization. Prioritize future hires, and plan how delegation can take the business to new levels of growth.
A plan, written in this manner, will automatically combine critical mindset pieces with more practical business strategies. This gives you a solid foundation from which to ramp up. It's your best shot at building a solid, sustainable business. At that point, you will be rewarded with the opportunity to add those creative details not shown on the blueprint.
Michelle Perkins is the CEO and founder of Limit Free Life®, a coaching and personal development company designed to help clients discover and transition into careers or business ventures that satisfy their souls. As a former CPA, business consultant and now a certified business coach, she combines a strong background in finance and transition management with an intuitive coaching style.
Visit http://limitfreelife.com/dailyworth/ to receive a free giveaway to get your transition started: 5 Days to Prepare for Your New Career.
