Tag Archive for: confidence

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3 Reasons We Are Afraid to Ask for Help

Struggles and obstacles are a part of life that everyone deals with at some point or another throughout life.

Some people know the benefits of asking for help, yet others hold themselves back and suffer silently. Whether you are struggling in your professional or personal life, not asking for the help you need can be detrimental to your success. Here are three reasons why you may be afraid to ask for help.

Pride Stands in the Way

People who are independent by nature tend to struggle when it comes to asking for help when they really need it because they believe they should do everything themselves. Often, this can become a detriment to them and others around them who are dependent on them.

 

While independence is a great trait to have, the pride that comes with it can get in the way of getting things accomplished promptly. It may take you twice as long to solve a problem as it would if you asked for help. It may be honorable to be independent; however, you may be hurting yourself more than you realize when you let pride stand in the way.

Fear of Rejection

The fear of rejection is a big reason people ask others for help when they need it. These people are so wrapped up in their concern that they convince themselves that everyone will say “no” to whatever they ask, so it is better not to ask in the first place.

 

By not asking for help because you believe the other person will reject you, you tell them you do not think they care enough to help. This shows an insecurity that will keep you from accomplishing your goals and keep others from connecting with you on a closer level.

Fear of Being Exposed As an Imposter

Imposter syndrome is a phrase used to describe people who go through their lives doing what needs to be done, all the while feeling they will be exposed as a fraud. They may be having success, but they think it is more luck than any real skill or knowledge that has gotten them thus far.

 

This fear of feeling like an imposter can grow to a point where it is difficult to ask others for help because they may be exposed. This fear can have detrimental effects on a person's personal and professional life because they cannot ask others for help.

 

Overall, when you get into a situation where you need help but hesitate, you may be experiencing one of the above reasons. Overcoming these fears and insecurities can help you move into the life you have always wanted for yourself.

 

 

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Ten Tips to Strengthen Your Self-Esteem

Your self-esteem is more than just the confidence you have in yourself. It goes much deeper than that, down into your feelings of self-worth and how much you respect yourself. Your self-esteem affects everything about you, from the decisions you make to your overall outlook on the world.

A strong and healthy self-esteem is one of the main building blocks of a happy and healthy you. With a healthy self-esteem you can have the confidence to do well in the world, and the self-respect to make good decisions.

Here are ten tips on how to develop your self-esteem.

1. Stop the Criticism - Find the strength to stop criticizing yourself so much. You cannot expect yourself to be perfect any more than anyone else can.

2. Make a List - Make an actual “pro” and “con” list and write down what you do and do not like about yourself. Be specific and resist the impulse to just write things like “I hate my hair”. When you are very specific like this, you might find that you have less to dislike than you think.

3. Set Realistic Goals - Set personal goals for yourself so you have something to work for, and set up a reward system as well. Resist the urge to make unrealistic goals, however. For example, don't expect to be able to run five miles the first time you try, or attempt to lose 50lbs in a month. Make small, realistic goals and you will always have something to look forward to.

4. Take Care of Yourself - Eat right, exercise, and get plenty of sleep. Take care of yourself, and take pride in your body and mind.

5. Think Positive Thoughts - Try to avoid thinking negative thoughts, especially when it comes to yourself. Instead, put those thoughts out of your head and purposely start listing all of the positives around you.

6. Don't Make Comparisons - It is unrealistic and unhealthy to compare yourself to other people. You are a unique individual; you should take pride in what sets you apart.

7. Treat Yourself Well - Show yourself a good time every once in a while, or treat yourself to something special. Even small things, like taking the time to indulge in a good book or a home spa treatment, can do wonders for your self-esteem.

8. Meditate - Meditation isn't about sitting cross-legged and humming. It is about taking the time to release your mind and body from all of the stress, closing your eyes, and focusing on centering yourself. It is a great stress reliever, and could help you connect with your inner self.

9. Make Good Decisions - Good self-esteem is also about having self-respect. Making good decisions in all walks of life will help you maintain that self-respect.

10. The Truth about Perfection - The truth about perfection is that it doesn't exist. No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes, and those mistakes are all part of the adventure of life. Don't get hung up on things that you might not do just right, or if something isn't perfect, because there is no such thing.

A healthy self-esteem can change your life. People with healthy self-esteem are more likely to make good decisions, work harder towards accomplishment, and live happier lives. With these tips, you can strengthen your self-esteem.

Facing Your Fears

What's stopping you from doing what you want and having what you desire? With rare exceptions, when you strip away all the excuses, it's fear-fear of doing whatever it is that you must do to achieve your goals.

Fear is one of our most basic instincts and it's key to our survival. It's easy to dismiss fear as cowardice, but it's not. Rather, cowardice is just one of many possible responses to fear; courage is another. Fear itself is not necessarily bad. In fact, it serves a purpose by protecting life and helping us avoid danger.

Fear can get our hearts pumping and our adrenalin flowing. You probably know people who like being scared because they like what it does to their bodies-these are thrill-seekers who search out dangerous activities and who use their fears to accomplish amazing things. Whether you like roller coasters and parachuting and mountain climbing or not, you don't have to enjoy fear to make it work for you.

The key is to understand your fears and put them in perspective so you can deal with them appropriately. When you feel fear, before you respond, stop and figure out: Is there a real danger there? If so, exactly what is the danger and what do you need to do to protect yourself? And if there's no real danger, what is driving the feeling?



What are you afraid of?

What frightens you? Flying? Jumping out of an airplane? Maybe you're afraid of water. Or creatures-dogs, cats, spiders or snakes. You might be fearful of crowds or public speaking-or even change. And it could be that you're afraid of anything that involves risk.

The reality is that life is risky. Anything worth having is likely going to involve some sort of risk, whether it's physical, financial, or emotional. And it's natural for those risks to generate fear. What separates achievers from non-achievers is that the achievers know how to control and use the natural emotion of fear to their advantage.

Uncontrolled fear robs you of your self-confidence and your ability to be effective. Fear that is under control and managed can be extremely productive because it can drive you to carefully examine risks and take steps to control and minimize them.

Overcome Self-Doubt – Lose The Illogical Perspective

 

Responding to fear

There are three basic ways you can respond to fear:

1. Ignore it.

2. Avoid it.

3. Confront it.

Simply ignoring fear-for example, thinking "I'm afraid to do this but I'm just going to plow ahead,"-is the least effective way to respond to feelings of fear. You can't completely ignore your fear because if you don't deal with it, it will always be in your mind, causing stress and blocking your ability to perform at your peak.



Denying fear-insisting that you're not really afraid, you just "don't want to do" that-is a form of ignoring it. If you know that taking a particular action could produce results you want but you refuse to do it, do some careful self-examination to determine if you're really denying a fear.

Avoiding fear is only slightly better than ignoring it. At least when you avoid fear, you have acknowledged it and are trying to push it to the side and go around it. But that's only a temporary fix for a long-term problem.

What works best in both the short- and long-term is confronting your fears and overcoming them. Recognize what you are afraid of, take ownership of it, deal with it, and work on achieving your desired result. In the process, you destroy the fear.

Life’s Biggest Con

Confronting your fear lets you shine a light on it, and when you do that, you'll often see that the fear isn't real. Think back to when you were a child and believed that monsters were lurking under your bed or in the closet. Your parents would come in, turn the light on, and you could see that there were no monsters. Shining a light on adult fears is not always so simple, but it's just as effective. For example, let's say you'd like to make an investment, but fear is stopping you. Shine a light on it. What are you really afraid of? What's the worst that could happen? Now, what can you do to reduce the risk? And if you do that, is your fear still valid?

Remember that on the other side of every fear is freedom, achievement, and peace.

The most common fears

We like to believe that we are special and unique, but when it comes to fear, we are rarely in a class by ourselves. Fears that tend to stop most of us from reaching our goals include the fear of failure and its companion fear of success; fear of ridicule; fear of discomfort; and even fear of the spotlight. Let's look at each of them.



Fear of failure is completely understandable. No one likes to fail. We don't want to disappoint ourselves or others. But just because you make a mistake or are not immediately successful does not mean you've failed. The primary way we solve life's problems is through trial and error. When you make a mistake, you haven't failed - you've simply learned a strategy that didn't work. None of the great inventions that we take for granted today were successfully produced on the first try. Even the best sports players don't score every time. Put your fear of failure into this context: Some of the things you try won't work, but all that means is that those things particular things you did didn't work. As long as you try again, you didn't fail and you are not a failure.

Let's look at the opposite side of the fear of failure and consider the fear of success. The fear of success can be almost as paralyzing as the fear of failure, and it often follows when you've conquered the fear of failure. Some people let the fear of success sabotage their efforts because they're afraid of what might happen when they become successful. Success can be both intoxicating and frightening. Conquer your fear of success with a plan to manage your success.

On Confidence (Or – Don’t Be Scurred!)

Still another common fear is that of ridicule. We don't want to be made fun of. You can't control what other people think and say, but you can control how you react to it. Of course, just ignoring ridicule is much easier said than done, especially when the ridicule is coming from someone we care about. It helps to attempt to understand what's driving the person who is doing the ridiculing-most people who ridicule others are attempting to mask their own weaknesses and fears. Consider diffusing the ridicule with semi-agreement: "Sure, I may be crazy for trying, but at least I'm trying-and you never know, I could succeed." And when you do succeed, you won't have to say a word.

The fear of discomfort can be quite powerful. Most of us like to stay in our comfort zone with familiar people and things. Certainly it's easier to do what's comfortable, such as watching television rather than heading to the gym or staying in a dead-end job rather than doing what it takes to get out of it. But doing what's comfortable today will likely result in something worse than discomfort tomorrow. Staying comfortable means staying in a rut and not stretching for something better.

It's also understandable to fear the spotlight. Every day we see the most intimate details of the lives of politicians and celebrities held up for scrutiny by strangers, and while we might be intrigued by scandals and gossip, we don't want to be under that microscope ourselves. Fortunately, most of us don't have to seriously worry about that. But you might fear being the center of attention even in a small way, such as having to make a presentation in front of a group or even being recognized for an achievement. With practice and preparation, you can overcome a fear of the spotlight.



Use the incredibly powerful tool of visualization. If you focus on your fear and visualize the worst happening, it certainly will. Instead, visualize your success and the results you want, then see yourself going through the steps that will make that happen. When it comes time to actually do whatever is causing you fear, you'll be relaxed and confident because you've done it before in your mind and you know it's going to work.

It's also important to recognize that fear is contagious. You can be infected by other people's fears. Sometimes these people are fearful because they genuinely want to protect you; other times, they express fear that they hope will stop you because they are afraid your success with reveal their own shortcomings. In either case, you need to give yourself a mental vaccine to protect yourself from other people's fears.

Unfortunately, for most of us conquering fear is not a one-time thing that we can do and then never have to deal with again. Fear is a normal emotion that you will experience over and over. The key is to not let fears scare you into inaction but to use them to prepare yourself to reach your goals.

Jacquelyn Lynn (http://www.jacquelynlynn.com) is a business writer based in Orlando, Florida, and the author of Entrepreneur's Almanac (Entrepreneur Press Nov. 2007); Online Shopper's Survival Guide and co-author of Make Big Profits on eBay (with Charlene Davis). She is also the host of Doing It Right Radio® (http://www.doingitrightradio.com).

The Moment All Confidence Is Born

All confidence is born in a tiny, fleeting easy to miss moment. These moments happen hundreds of times a day. Confident people have taught themselves to (1) spot these opportunities, and (2) once spotted - to give birth to their confidence.

All confidence is not fixed, but it's in a constant state of fluctuation. Confidence is always going up and down. This is normal. Everything that happens to you every second of each day moves your confidence up or down, causing this fluctuation.

You are talking to yourself twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. You are likely to have become so used to this internal chatter that you don't even realize it's happening. But listening to what your inner voice is saying to you is critical in your pursuit of confidence.

Sadly for most of us this inner voice is negative, fearful and insecure, in other words - not confident. It drags you down till you are insecure. Even the most confident of people have moments when this internal voice is negative, and this makes their confidence drop.

The secret to confidence is:

1 - It's not a one-time-deal. You don't just become confident once, and that's it you are confident for life.

2 - Confidence is made up of all the seconds of your life. Confidence is made up of the 86,400 seconds in each of your days.

3 - The more seconds in your day you are confident the more confident you will be.

The secret to being more confident is to ensure that you work to make sure that you feel confident for as many seconds each day as possible.

How do you feel confident? You just think confident thoughts.

How do you ensure that you spend as much of each day thinking confident thoughts? You learn to spot the tiny fleeting birth moments of confidence.




What does a confidence birth moment look like?

Let us imagine two people:

1 - Mr or Mrs Confident, and

2 - You.

Let us suppose your lives are identical in every respect, apart from confidence.

The post or an email arrives with a bill. You open your bill, and the other you opens their bill in their parallel universe.

Your bills are much higher than you were expecting.

Both of your inner voices say the following:

"Oh no. How much? What am I going to do? How am I going to afford this? Where will I get the money from? Why is so big? What if this happens next month? What did I do wrong? How am I going to fix this? Why does this happen to me?" and so on.

I bet you've had this sort of mental conversation many many times?

Now it's precisely when this sort of conversation is going on in your head, that the birth moment of confidence creeps up on you silently, waits for a split second and then is gone... almost un-noticed by you. This is the key, the very heart of the confident / not confident dilemma.

What happens in that tiny moment determines whether you'll become more confident, or less confident, and the key to this moment is:

- recognizing that you are thinking negatively.

The birth of confidence lies in that tiny moment when you realize your thoughts are full of doubt, fear, weakness, worries and insecurities.

Now whether you become more or less confident:

- all depends on what you do with that recognition. It depends on how you respond.

There are now two ways you can go:

1 - Less confident, or

2 - More confident.

What is the difference in the response of a non-confident person, and a confident person?




A Non Confident Person

A non-confident person will, realize they are thinking negatively, pause for a second and then just go back into the swirl of worry, stress and low self-esteem. They've missed their chance.

A Confident Person

A confident person will, realize they are thinking from an un-confident position, and decide that they really really don't want that. They will find a way, by any means to get their head thinking about whatever the issue is - from a more positive position. They don't have to think much more positively. Any improvement is improvement enough.

That's all the difference there is.

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How To Keep A Positive Attitude … When You Don’t Feel Like It

Now this scenario happens hundreds of times a day. All the difference there is between a person of high or low self-esteem, is that the person of high self-esteem:

1 - Spots when they are thinking negatively and then switches to something more positive, and

2 - They do this hundreds of times every day.

The difference is as small as that. The birth of confidence, every time is so easy to miss. But now that you know about it, you need to make every effort to train yourself, starting today, to work at it every day, to constantly improve your ability to (1) spot when you are thinking negatively, and (2) each time you do switch your thoughts to something more positive, aren't you?

So to finish, the key to this whole article - and to you becoming more confident, is to:

- recognize when you are thinking negatively, and then do something, whatever it takes, to get your mind thinking more confidently, even if it's just slightly more confidently, hundreds of times each day.

Author:  Damian Miles

I am a confidence coach and NLP Practitioner and an expert in helping people to live the life of their dreams. I offer free coaching sessions. I just love to help people raise their self-esteem!
If you want a FREE coaching session, just call me on +44 (0)7739362979.
I am also the author of a number of books on self-esteem which are available at all major eBook retailers. My books include:
- How to Love Forever
- The A to Z of Confidence
- A Quick Guide To Living Forever
- 30 Seconds To Happiness
- 42 Day's To Confidence
Please go and check my books out, at all major eBook sellers, such as Amazon (click here to see my books on Amazon ) and enjoy reading a free sample of each one.

Forget About Never Being Made Fun of: Here’s What to Do Instead

Being made fun of is probably one of the most common fears among people with confidence and self-esteem issues. And for many a good reason.

With the possible exception of Larry David and other deliberately self-deprecating comedians, nobody likes being made fun of. When somebody makes fun of us, a part of us is involuntarily exposed beyond our control. We don't get to decide when it happens, or in front of whom, or the specific subject matter.

If we feel particularly vulnerable towards ridicule, we might feel like preventing being made fun of by only surrounding ourselves with asskissers and yes-men. But really, show me just one person who's effectively made that idea work.

Or, we might feel like not surrounding ourselves with people at all - yet another common go-to idea amongst non-fidents. And can you guess if that's really a good, sensible idea?

Yeah, I thought so.

So, what do we do about being made fun of, then?

Well, as with a great many other things in life, there are options. And, as with life in general, there's no manual. So, in practice, it really comes down to personal preference and simply winging it.

However, if we wish to take the path of confidence, there are certain things to consider.

You see, confidence is all about latitude and inclusiveness. The more confident we are, the bigger we consider ourselves. And the bigger we consider ourselves, the more we allow ourselves to contain. Even being made fun of.

This doesn't mean we should lie down and take one insult after another like a little, submissive bitch. It means we should consider the reasons we might FEEL like a little, submissive bitch. Is it someone else "making" us feel this way? Or would we feel this way at all if we weren't disposed towards it in the first place?

This is a provocative question, I know. And as such, it's all the more important to consider.




And here's something else...

Have you ever noticed how no matter what happens in any given week, satirical shows will necessarily find a way to poke fun at it?

In fact, have you ever noticed how you're not the only person being made fun of? And, indeed, have you ever noticed how anyone can, in principle, make fun of anything, at any time?

Yes, they can. And this just so happens to include you. And me. In fact, everyone.

This is one of those inescapable conditions of being human. There's no changing it.

And this is why, when we try to actively escape or refrain from being made fun of, it only makes us look even more pathetic and hilarious. Because, considering how far we've come as a civilization, certain human traits ARE still pretty inelegant.

So accept it. Forget about never being made fun of. Instead, learn to embrace and love the idea that anyone can, in principle, make fun of anything, at any time - including you. Anything else is just fear-based insecurity.

Which everybody has. It's just that confident people act in spite of it. And Hell, confident people even make fun of themselves.

MENTAL EXERCISE

1) Turn off your phone, and eliminate all other possible distractions.

2) Close your eyes.

3) Now imagine that you're 200 feet tall and made out of diamonds.

4) Get heavy on the details. Imagine your surroundings. Where are you at? Is it a city? If yes, which one, and which part of it?

Try walking around. What do people, buildings, animals, cars, streets, etc. look like from up there?

Engage your other senses as well. Are you hearing the wind more clearly up there? Maybe tasting the cool air?

Are you walking slowly and confidently? Do movements seem slower? Maybe less risky than usual?

Try doing this for 5 minutes. Notice how you feel afterwards.

It's when we think of ourselves as big that we grow a little.

As a confidence coach, Andy Kay helps people who are held back -- by fear, overwhelm, anxiety, indecisiveness, anything. After years studying confident, successful people, he knows what works and what doesn't. He doesn't… tolerate "spiritual" BS about "higher powers" and "purposes". -- We have access to all the power we need to achieve our own purposes; period.

Visit https://www.getconfidencecoaching.com and get confidence and empowerment for free!

Overcome Self-Doubt – Lose the Illogical Perspective

What is Self-Doubt?

 

I am very familiar with self-doubt. I lived with it for many years, buying into my inner critic and making way for fear to take over. Even though I was told by my parents and mentors how capable I was, the self-doubt kept me paralysed, afraid to even make an attempt at something. I often felt not smart enough, or good enough to even take the first step. I even believed that success was not meant for me. I look back on all the opportunities I missed out on and it is for this reason I write this article in hopes that you the reader can realize how illogical and damaging self-doubt can be.

Self-doubt should be synonymous with paralysis. It is immobilizing and disables the sufferer, preventing him/her from making strides in life. Think back to a time when you felt enthusiastic about a goal and as the time approached for taking that first step, the momentum began to slow down. That little voice inside you head began to say:

  • Are you sure you can do this?
  • What happens if you mess up?
  • Maybe you need to wait - maybe you're not ready

As the days went by you began to doubt your ability to get the task done and before long things were moving in slow motion. You felt stumped, pressured, like all eyes are on you. Then you quit.

 

When feelings of doubt are allowed in our lives, we are unable to achieve our goals or even conceive them. Doubt is that inner voice that often lets us know how incapable we are of accomplishing something. When we are confident we can drive away the doubts. However, when we are not, the doubts will continue to dominate our thoughts, leaving us to feel inadequate. That's right our thoughts! The thoughts take over and before long we begin to believe that no matter what we attempt it wouldn't amount to much, so why even bother? Over time this mentality begins to define us and we fade into the shadows.

It all begins with a thought followed by an action or behaviour. When we allow doubtful thoughts to control our thinking process, we can miss out on many important opportunities in life. The doubts enable a pessimistic outlook and the ability to focus on the positive things in our lives is lost. Then the capacity for learning and growing is slowed down. Many become cynical, depressed, or anxious and a life of mediocrity emerges with little hope for the future. Now, I'm sure this is not the life you plan for.




Is self-doubt consuming you? Are you unable to stop the doubtful thoughts? Is it interfering with your ability to achieve? Begin to recognize these episodes and how frequent they are. Become more aware of what the doubts say and write them down.

 

What Causes Self-Doubt?

 

We are born into societies where there are so many expectations we all have to live up to.

  • There are certain developmental stages and levels each of us are expected to reach from birth. If not we are considered underdeveloped or slow
  • We enter into the school system and expected to complete elementary, middle, and high school. We receive more popularity and recognition when we excel
  • Our parents have their own set of expectations for us
  • Our teachers have their expectations for us
  • After high school we are expected to make a decision for a career and decide where we plan to acquire that skill - what school we will attend, what level of education we want to have, what job title we want to hold.
  • Once we are ready to enter into the business world there are more expectations and successes to attain
  • Then there are the expectations by society, the status, prestige, material possessions. Our society today measures success and achievement by one's net worth.

In order to be considered functional or successful in modern society the above standards are expected to be met. Children are hardly allowed to be children to run around freely with little fear. Instead they feel scared to make mistakes. We live in an age of high motivation and enthusiasm and where everyone seems to have an image of success. Image is what's important, and some even promote that you fake it till you make it. Many of you feel pressured to live up to these expectations and may feel as if you are letting down yourself or your family if you don't. So from that very first grade you receive in elementary school you feel as if you are a specimen under a microscope afraid to mess up and where a pressure to perform or a fear of rejection constantly looms overhead.

True the expectations set for us enable us to become high achievers and attain soaring levels of accomplishment and satisfaction in life. However, for many this can have the reverse effect. When one lacks self-confidence these standards set by society or families can lead to doubt and fear. When one has self-doubt, their limitations are exaggerated to the point that it takes over the thought process and distorts the belief system.

Doubt can be caused by some of the following:

  • Believing that your emotional security depends on someone or something.
  • Feelings of inferiority
  • Low self-esteem
  • Feeling a lack of control over your life
  • Believing that you are not good enough or smart enough to even attempt the smallest of tasks.
  • Anticipating failure even before you begin
  • Unresolved psychological trauma
  • Depression
  • An environment that breeds doubt and negativity
  • Rejection

 

Fear, the Accomplice

 

Doubting oneself is an indication of a greater fear. You know you feel fearful but it's difficult to identify what it is you are afraid of. It could be fear of failure, pressure to perform, or even fear of success. The doubting thoughts begin to take over and the inner critic is eager and ready to help you rationalize your doubts.

 




 

Fear is the accomplice of your doubts. The moment the doubts arise, fear moves in and takes over. Fear lets you compare yourself to others and keeps you focused on what you cannot do rather than what you can do. I recall when I returned to college at 30 how doubtful I felt at first. I saw all the energetic, enthusiastic students, fresh out of high school with their minds intact and ready for learning and I saw myself as old and less capable. My doubts turned into fear and at some point I wanted to quit - to give up and not even try. My fears had such a hold on me that I was willing to throw away a hopeful future. I became frustrated, sarcastic, and closed off from the world. Luckily, my parents and my mentor recognized my fears and countered them, encouraging me to take the first step forward.

 

Self-awareness is a critical step to overcoming fear and removing doubt. When fear is allowed to dominate, all hope is lost. Sadly, we cannot even recognize our fears and doubts thus they continue to control our lives. This is why having mentors, coaches or people close to us are an essential part of achieving success. The more we know about ourselves, the more in tune we are about what holds us back. The more aware we are the more empowered we are to do something about it. We can begin to identify the source of our fears. Is it coming from a past trauma, the way you were raised, or is it a perception of the present or future? Is it a lack of confidence? With becoming more self-aware, we are quicker to admit our fears and handle life in a more productive way. Self-awareness triggers acceptance, which opens up the door for healing. This allows us to seek the help we need to deal with our fears and let go of doubt.

 

Do you know your fears? Are you aware of what holds you back? Take this time to look inside. Be true to yourself. This begins the process of letting go of doubt. If not, allow a mentor or a coach in to give you the insight you need to move forward.

 

Pivotal resilience

 

Letting Go Of Doubt

 

We all have moments throughout our lives where we doubt ourselves. Many can let go of them and not allow them to take over, while others fall victim to the intrusive thoughts that undermine your ability to succeed. And remember they are all thoughts. So who keeps the thought in your mind? You do! Let's take a look at how to let go of doubts.

 

The best way to let go of doubt is to build your self-confidence. This means feeling better about your own abilities. When you feel incapable and begin to doubt yourself, fear is right around the corner just waiting to move in and reside in your psyche. Once fear enters the subconscious, the negative talk begins, the self-criticism emerges and the vicious cycle continues. Here are some ways to build your confidence.

  • Educate yourself in whatever it is you are trying to accomplish. Take a course, attend seminars, workshops, meet people in that field and network. The more you know the more empowered you feel and empowerment removes doubts.
  • Associate with positive people who recognize your abilities and encourage your efforts. Get their feedback about your ideas - most likely it will be more objective and beneficial. Avoid the negative folks. Negative people are also full of self-doubt and will work to bring you down to their level of insecurity. They will inject more doubt in you and your efforts can seem futile.
  • Set realistic goals. Someone once said "when in doubt take the next small step." Taking realistic steps ensure that you will be capable of accomplishing the task and build your confidence in the process. If you set unrealistic goals you most likely will fall short and this adds to level of self-doubt. With the accomplishment of each realistic task, your confidence will improve, your fears will subside, and your self-doubt will diminish.




  • Learn to handle setbacks. In life there will be successes and setbacks. Of course you want to hope for the best outcome but when disappointments arise or things didn't go as planned you have to see this as part of the game of life. Use the setbacks as an opportunity to learn and improve your game plan. This is not the time to sulk and doubt your efforts. Get some feedback from an expert in the field, make the necessary adjustments and keep moving forward.
  • Introduce more positive self-talk. Talk to yourself as if trying to encourage a doubting friend to feel better. Remind yourself "you can do it." Feed positive affirmations to yourself throughout your day until it becomes a habit. These affirmations have a tendency to replace self-doubt.
  • Learn to handle criticism. In life there are always going to be people who will try to put you down or reject your efforts. Rejection is a terrible thing and can be easily filtered through our thoughts in the form of doubts. I have seen clients who receive enormous praise for their efforts but when one person criticizes them it destroys all they good they have done. Think about how illogical this is and don't allow other people to destroy your efforts. Please click here to learn how to deal with criticism.
  • Find a coach or a mentor. At times we cannot recognize our vicious cycle of self-doubt. Others can see it but we can't. A coach or mentor can help you to identify unhealthy beliefs, doubts, and unrealistic expectations that undermine your performance. They can also help you determine the sources of doubt and resolve them. This kind of guidance can move you light years ahead in achieving your goals.

Begin today to lose the self-doubt. Take a look at what scares you the most and begin to address them. Don't continue to allow your doubts to control your destiny. It's time to look within and free yourself of doubt so you can live your full potential.

 

Audrey Marlene is an expert professional life coach whose life experiences give her more insight into playing the game of life. Her success in coaching and mentoring individuals from the impoverished to top executives has given her the leading edge in coaching.

http://www.audreymarlene-lifecoach.com

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If I had a dollar

If I had a dollar for every time someone said to me “I can’t believe you could do that”, I’d be standing on a pile of money.

 

I can’t believe you can stand in front of an audience and not get nervous, I can’t believe you can feel that comfortable about cold calling business, I can’t believe you can ride that zip line, I can’t believe can walk into that room full of executives and not be intimidated, I can’t believe you can return to study at your age, I can’t believe you can travel overseas by yourself…and on it goes. What I’ve found most interesting about these comments is that to me, none of these actions are really a big deal.       Nor are they for some others either I know, but after hearing comments like this enough times, I have realised that acting without fear isn’t easy for a lot of people.

 

After consideration, I realised that the confidence I have to take on activities that many people find frightening, has been developed and nurtured.  And anyone can do the same. I realised rather than talking myself out of doing something and finding reasons, why not, why I can’t, I now automatically start to think how can I…what do I need to do to make that work?  Now, fortunately most things come easy, but it has taken work to get to a place where I feel confident in just about any situation.

 

When Franklin D Roosevelt famously quipped “We have nothing to fear but fear itself”, he was on the money.

 

What enables a person act without fear in a situation?  I believe there are three behaviours that must become intrinsic to shift a mindset from fearful to confident.

 

Number One:    Take a Risk

 

Next time you have an opportunity to do something that scares you, just say yes instead of over thinking reasons why you can’t.  Evoke Neales Donald Walsh quote “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone” to inspire you to take risks to delight in all life offers.

 

Number Two:    Learn a Skill

 

Continually learning new skills means you open yourself to new ideas.  Every time you do something you haven’t done before, you allow yourself to expand your experience and shift your perspective.  Consider what new activity/skill you have always wanted to accomplish and begin.

 

Three:  Become Proficient

 

It makes sense doesn’t it?   If you can do something well, you will be confident doing it.  If you want to have the confidence to speak from stage then you need to not only obtain the skills, you also have to practice, practice and practice some more.  To speak well and with confidence on a subject you need to be well rehearsed.  Every time you stand in front of an audience you will be less nervous until you will eventually feel confident to enough you can address any problem that might arise.  The same goes for any fear you want to overcome.

When you live without fear, your stress levels are reduced all the “good hormones” work effectively in your body and can cope with real problems more effectively.

Principal Trainer and Director of Shifting Visions, Janeen Vosper, typically works with Sales Teams, Small Business Owners and Entrepreneurs to overcome their fear of selling and cure cold calling reluctance. She assists people to identify and crush hidden fears that block their potential as presenters to learn how to make speeches with ease and confidence…and also offers easy techniques to conquer Fear of Failure that affects many components of life.  You can view Janeen's profile here  =>  http://bit.ly/16p0UH9

Keep On Dancing

 


If you are feeling like you have gotten a little "off track" with your intentions this year, not to worry. Be gentle with yourself. Take a few minutes to read today's post, and just remember to "Keep On Dancing".

What I have noticed lately, is that things don't always seem to happen for the reasons we think, and that can be perfect for us. I started several projects in the last few weeks, that did not work out the way I thought they would, or the way I wanted them to, thank God.

Because they did not work out, space was created for something much better to come into my life. And so, I was able to better understand, that it is not always about the end result of a choice or a project, but how taking that step to go for it in the first place, makes you feel.

What is important, is that you take some inspired action, because your vibration while you are doing something that excites you, and you are passionate about, is what will bring you the essence of what you wanted in the first place. It just may not come from where you thought it would.

What is so freeing about all of this, is that it removes a lot of the fear around moving forward, fear that you may fail, be disappointed again, or even embarrassed. It gives you the courage to just step up to the plate and go for it, no matter what the outcome.

If you are feeling stuck, and afraid to take the next step, or any step for that matter, you will never achieve the life of your dreams. Life is not always about being comfortable. It is about moving forward, out of your comfort zone.

And the interesting thing about it is, that the more steps you take, the stronger and more confident you feel inside, where it really matters, and pretty soon you begin to realize that there truly is nothing that you cannot do, that anything is possible, just as long as you keep on dancing.

Veronica Hay

Veronica Hay is the author of In a Dream, You Can Do Anything.An extraordinary collection of writings that will uplift you, motivate you, inspire you, and gently guide you along the inner path of your life.Go to: http://www.insightsandinspirations.com or feel free to email your comments about today's message to: veronicahay@telus.net 

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You can be a success despite the nerves

I don't particularly like X_Factor videos and the emotional hype that goes with them, but watch this one, and you have to be inspired, especially if you suffer from performance nerves. If this man can do what he did, so successfully, so can you!!

Get rid of any phobia with the Rewind Technique

 

Can you imagine getting rid of absolutely ANY fear or phobia...

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Scientists have just given the official nod to a brand new NLP-based system that enables you to literally "erase" old fears and phobias - in a matter of minutes.

Fear of public speaking, fear of spiders, fear of death, fear of failure - whatever it is - it can be permanently deleted.

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