Tag Archive for: parenting

How to Raise Kids.

Some parents can’t stop worrying that they’re gonna mess it up or that their kid’s gonna have it tough.

According to some statistics, though, most parents are confident in their skills. However, parents often teach their kids the wrong lessons that influence them in the worst way.

We’ve checked with the best psychologists to come up with a list of 8 bad lessons a lot of parents unknowingly teach their kids. We’ve also provided some healthy alternatives that’ll help you raise your kids to become strong, confident, and self-sufficient adults.

 

Bad Lesson #1: Snitching is wrong.

 Bad Lesson #2: Children shouldn’t express their negative emotions.

Bad Lesson #3: You should try to make people like you.

 Bad Lesson #4: Get good grades or you’ll never get a good job.

 Bad Lesson #5: “Always the best for my baby!”

 Bad Lesson #6: Making a mistake means losing something.

 Bad Lesson #7: Children should never be idle.

Bad Lesson #8: Children must always share their toys.

 

SUMMARY

-Parents should teach their kids to talk openly about unfair or difficult situations and be patient if some of the stories they tell don’t really seem like a big deal through the eyes of an adult.

-Encourage your child to express their feelings in a safe way.

-A child should not have to sacrifice their own interests and goals to please others, and they shouldn’t let anyone force them to do something they don’t want to do.

-Tell your child to work hard to gain knowledge, but don’t wrap themselves up in good grades.

-Financially responsible parents make great role models for their children, who learn the value of money and use it as a tool, not as entertainment.

-Honest mistakes don’t need to be punished. If your child gets a bad grade or flunks a test, that might mean they just need help with a tough subject.

-Many psychologists claim that children won’t learn to rely on themselves if their parents don’t give them some alone time. Provide them with toys, books, and other activities, but let your child choose how to entertain themselves.

-Encourage your children to share their toys while instilling in them a sense of fairness. If another child wants to borrow the ball they’re playing with, it’s reasonable for the kids to play with that ball together.

Parents of kids living with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) have battled a tide of terrifying reports about this growing problem, which affects up to 11 per cent of boys aged four to 14 and a lesser number of girls.

The question is what to do about it, and natural treatments such as yoga are getting a big tick.

Make no mistake – ADHD isn’t an issue to be taken lightly, and while stimulant drugs such as Ritalin have been prescribed as treatment, they’re part of a complicated equation of care. Their ability to help young people focus more clearly on an issue helps them learn ways to adapt to a constantly changing environment.
But all drugs have side effects, and one study reported by the US National Institute of Mental Health found the drugs only worked in the short term and could stunt kids’ growth. The dilemma for parents is clear.

‘Of course, I don’t want my child to be on drugs, but you have to weigh it up,’ laments Sydney single mum Adrienne Riddell, whose son Curtis, 11, has successfully used Ritalin on and off for several years along with other natural therapies.

‘The bottom line is that he’s much more easily distracted and can’t concentrate in class every time he comes off them.’

Adrienne says parents of ADHD kids are wrongly blamed for their child’s boisterous behaviour and hyperactivity.

‘So many times I have heard from other people: “Why don’t you just be a bit stricter with him?” Or: “Perhaps it’s because you’re a single mum,”‘ she says.

Adrienne adds that she’s firm with her son, and such comments are ‘unhelpful’. ‘Like depression, ADHD is a chemical brain imbalance that needs treatment in severe cases,’ she explains.

‘But many people see kids with ADHD and put it down to bad parenting or naughty kids. That doesn’t explain parents with several children, where one or two have ADHD and the rest of the kids all behave within normal parameters.

 



How do you spot it?

The symptoms of ADHD include hyperactivity, inattentiveness, social disruptiveness, impulsivity and interrupting others, as well as playing quietly or showing difficulty following instructions.

Most ADHD kids aren’t actually ‘violent’ – in fact, many are loving and caring. Less commonly, some ADHD sufferers may have coexisting emotional or mood issues, and this complicates their management.

What causes it?

A genetic imbalance of neurotransmitters in the brain is the culprit, but other factors may contribute, including TV. A US study in the Pediatrics journal found that toddlers who watch three hours of TV a day were 30 per cent more likely to have ADHD when they were seven. The TV isn’t the cause of the condition but study author Dr Dimitri Christakis says kids exposed to unrealistic levels of stimulation at a young age ‘continued to expect this in later life’, leading to difficulty dealing with the slower pace of school.

Some parents adhere to the drug-free Dore program, which teaches brain-training exercises (such as bouncing up and down on an air-filled balloon while passing a small beanbag from one hand to another). It uses up to 300 types of exercises and costs for the program start at $5270. But at this stage there’s no evidence that the program works for all children.

Natural Therapies and ADHD:

Either alone or utilised in combination with medication, these techniques may help children who suffer from ADHD.



  • Try yoga

Yoga helps improve focus and coordination skills, and even toddlers can take part in it.

Visit www.findyoga.com.au to locate a yoga class for your children in your state.

  • Limit TV

For kids under the age of two, watching no television (or very little) is recommended. For older kids, have set times for all TV watching, internet, mobile phones and video games, and limit it to an hour a day. Avoid having them in your child’s bedroom too, as disrupted sleep makes. ADHD worse, and don’t give in to pressure to buy violent or overly stimulating video games.

  • Act, don’t yack

Cut back on nagging your children. Instead, directly follow their unruly behaviour with consequences, such as curbing pocket money.

‘Planning ahead and telling children what’s expected of them in certain situations is also an ideal way to approach things,’ Dr John D’Arcy says. ‘But always keep your sense of humour and reward positive behaviour.’

  • Establish a set routine

‘Try to keep bedtime, waking time and mealtimes consistent,’ Dr John says. ‘And remember that a carefully structured routine from the moment they wake is important – so get a whiteboard.’

  • Keep them busy

The upside of ADHD kids is they’re often creative and clever. Cher, Robin Williams and former US president John F. Kennedy all had ADHD. ‘So fuel their creative juices with games, art, sport, acting and music,’ Dr John says.

  • Watch their diet

‘A diet free of artificial colouring may be helpful, but it only works in a very small proportion of children with ADHD,’ Professor Joseph Rey from the University of Sydney says.

studies claim fish oil helps, while other studies claim that junk food promotes negative biochemical changes in the brain and should be restricted where possible.



  • Mums-to-be, beware

All expectant mothers should take an iodine supplement. Why? Babies born iodine-deficient are at risk of developing ADHD.

  • Other options

‘Occupational therapy to develop a child’s gross motor skills (such as catching a ball) and fine motor skills (such as cutting paper with scissors) is effective and a vital part of the treatment equation,’ Dr John explains.

‘Psychological therapy and teachers skilled at learning difficulties may also help them. It’s important to see your school counsellor, GP or pediatrician to help you find these services.

Finally, don’t try and do too much too soon. Be patient and don’t attempt more than one thing at a time. Overwhelming a child with all these treatment options at once may only make their condition worse.

The case for drugs:

‘Medications are still the best and safest treatment for moderate to severe cases of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, and are the most effective in the short to medium term (under three years),’ says Professor Joseph Rey from the University of Sydney.

New Idea’s resident medical expert, Dr John D’Arcy, adds: ‘A recent audit of pediatricians who prescribe ADHD medications found they were under-used, not overused, and also found that important additional techniques such as occupational, psychological and physical therapies were simply not available.’

Article source:  New Idea 

 

 

A message every adult should read because children are watching you and
doing as you do, not as you say.

Father and child, pivotal parenting

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my first painting on the
refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned
that it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my favorite cake for me,
and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a prayer, and I knew that
there is a God I could always talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a meal and take it to a
friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of
each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care of our house and
everyone in it, and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you handled your
responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good, and I learned that I would
have to be responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come from your eyes, and I
learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be
everything that I could be..

When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of life's lessons that I
need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and wanted to say,' Thanks
for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.'




Each of us (parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher, nurse, friend)
influences the life of a child.

How will you touch the life of someone today?
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.
Speak kindly.

Pivotal Mother

A woman, was renewing her driver's license at the Motor Registration office,
The counter clerk asked her to state her occupation

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.
"What I mean is," explained the counter clerk,
"do you have a job or are you just a ...?"
"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman.
"I'm a Mum."
"We don't list 'Mum' as an occupation,
'housewife' covers it,"
Said the clerk emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Medicare office.
The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar." "What is your occupation?" she probed.
What made me say it? I do not know.
The words simply popped out.
"I'm a Research Associate in the field of
Child Development and Human Relations."
The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and looked up as though she had not heard right.
I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words.
Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written,
In bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.
"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest,
"just what you do in your field?"
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice,
I heard myself reply,
"I have a continuing program of research,
(what mother doesn't)
In the laboratory and in the field,
(normally I would have said indoors and out).
I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family)
and already have four credits (all daughters).
Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities,
(any mother care to disagree?)
and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it).
But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are
more of a satisfaction rather than just money."
There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she
Completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career,
I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3.
Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model,
(a 6 month old baby) in the child development program,
Testing out a new vocal pattern.
I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy!
And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mum." Motherhood!





What a glorious career!
Especially when there's a title on the door.
Does this make grandmothers
"Senior Research associates in the field of
Child Development and Human Relations"
And great grandmothers
"Executive Senior Research Associates?"
I think so!!!
I also think it makes Aunts
"Associate Research Assistants."

Are you into "natural parenting"? Do you parent according to the principles of "attachment parenting"? Regardless of your label of choice, deciding to embark on a non-mainstream parenting lifestyle means making yourself vulnerable to all of its one hundred and one challenges

  • When you choose to use cloth diapers, co-workers will call you "strange."
  • When your two-and-a-half year old son is still nursing, your dentist will refer to it as "bad."
  • Forbid your child to eat candy, and your neighbor may accuse you of "taking away her childhood."
  • When your four-year-old is still sleeping with you and your spouse, friends will tell you that "it's going to ruin your marriage."

I have not been a "natural parent" for very long; just a little under three years as I write this. But in that short space of time, I have learned some important lessons that I would like to pass on to anyone who feels at all overwhelmed by trying to do the natural parenting thing "right."

 

With that in mind, here are four natural parenting tips that will help you to maintain your sanity.

  1. Prioritize.
    Accept the fact that you can't do everything.

Do you homeschool three kids and try to make all your food from scratch as well as wash the laundry by hand? Are you miserable in the process? I give you permission to buy a washing machine. And/or to feed your family a "healthy" convenience meal (such as whole wheat spaghetti with jarred organic pasta sauce) two or three times a week.

  1. Be a diplomat.
    I've learned that certain answers to certain questions will provoke criticism. And I've learned that if I get defensive, I could cause strain in my relationships. So I answer in as courteous, yet vague, way as possible.

For example, When someone asks you, "Is your baby sleeping through the night?", simply reply, "We're all getting plenty of rest, thanks for caring!" Or, if someone asks you, "Wow, three kids and your pregnant a-gain? How many you planning to have, anyway?" make them laugh: "Well, as soon as my husband and I figure out how all this works, we'll let you know."

  1. Don't major on the minors.
    Say your mother started you on solids when you were five months old and wonders why Junior, at seven months, is still exclusively breastfeeding. You could do one of two things:
  • Spend the next several months arguing back and forth, getting defensive, and hurting your relationship, or
  • Send her links to relevant online articles and tell her you're doing the best you can given the current scientific research, just as you are sure she did for you when you were a baby. And then drop the issue.

  1. Delegate.
    If you have children older than four years old in the house, they should be helping with the household chores on a daily basis. If you have at least two kids over the age of eight in the house, you should be free of at least half of the housecleaning tasks. If you do and you're not, start training them now. As a veteran schoolteacher, I can promise you that children are more capable than we give them credit for.

Parenting is hard enough. Let these four natural parenting tips ease you of some of your burden, and help you find more peace in your day.

As a wellness coach, Emily Jacques' passion is to help you optimize your health in every way as naturally as possible. She shares her knowledge of natural health and green living on her blog at http://thecrunchycoach.com/blog.

Would you like to have someone cheer you on as you take steps to improve your health and well-being? Sign up for Emily's newsletter athttp://thecrunchycoach.com/healthy-living.html. You will receive your copy of her free report, "From Atkins to Raw: How America's Diets Are Failing Us," as well as ongoing tips, resources and encouragement to help you become the healthy, happy person you were designed to be!