Rejection takes many forms. You didn't make the team. The college you want to attend turns you down. The woman you asked out said no. You didn't get the job. You were passed over for a promotion. Your husband left you.
Whatever form it takes, being rejected hurts. It is a blow to your ego and challenges your ability to cope. It makes you question yourself. It makes you angry. In its most extreme and painful forms, it generates self-destructive thoughts and behaviors - ranging from rage to drinking binges to suicide.
The tricky thing about rejection, though, is not to avoid it but to choose a positive way of reacting to it. After all, everybody suffers rejection. That is not meant to minimize anyone's pain at being let go or turned down; it is simply to say that you aren't alone. Others have lived through similar - or worse - things. The only way to avoid the risk of rejection is to fail to live, dream, or dare! And that is a far worse thing than being courageous enough to apply for the position, to accept a leadership challenge, or to invest your heart and getting turned down.
In a recent interview reported in the Wall Street Journal, Warren Buffett spoke of his rejection by Harvard Business School at 19. "The truth is, everything that has happened in my life . . . that I thought was a crushing event at the time, has turned out for the better," he said. With the exception of health problems, he continued, life's setbacks teach "lessons that carry you along. You learn that a temporary defeat is not a permanent one. In the end it can be an opportunity."
In Buffett's case, a second-choice application to Columbia put him under the tutelage of two professor-mentors who taught him the essentials he has used in a successful investment career. More important still, the disappointment he thought his father would feel over his failure turned into a positive expression of "unconditional love" and "unconditional belief in me."
Rejection is the challenge to find a new way, a better path. Rather than curse the job you didn't get or the person who didn't hire you, rethink your skills and find another venue for their use. Instead of hiding from life because a relationship has ended and your heart is broken, learn something about yourself from what has happened and know there is someone who needs what you have to give. Temporary setbacks become permanent defeats only if you allow it.
It isn't rejection that determines the outcome. It is your reaction to it.
Rubel Shelly
Rubel Shelly is a Preacher and Professor of Religion and Philosophy located in Rochester Hills, Michigan. In addition to church and academic responsibilities, he has worked actively with such community projects as Habitat for Humanity, American Red Cross, From Nashville With Love, Metro (Nashville) Public Schools, Faith Family Medical Clinic, and Operation Andrew Ministries. To learn more about Rubel please go to: www.RubelShelly.com
The other day I was in the Phoenix Airport on my way to a meeting in Denver. Unsure of how long it would take to get the car parked, get the luggage checked, get through the security line, and get to our gate, we (my husband Michael and I) ended up at the airport early. Once we parked our belongings at the gate, I did what I always do when I'm early to the airport; I headed toward the News Stand for the sole purpose of staring at the tabloid magazine covers. Yes, I know, it's a nasty habit, but before you cast your stones, I should tell you I only allow myself to read the COVERS of the magazines. JUST the covers. And even in those few moments I can feel my brain cells rotting and my dislike for humanity mounting.
However, on this particular trip to the News Stand I witnessed something much more fascinating, and disturbing, than any tabloid could offer.
In this particular News Stand there was a friendly looking gentleman. He had a pleasant face that was graced with a cheerful smile. He and I were hovering in the same area; I was looking at the magazines, he was looking at the Snickers bars. Though, "looking" wouldn't be the right word -- "agonizing over" would be a better way of putting it. You see, this friendly-seeming man was about 200 pounds from healthy. As we stood silently by each other, I could hear him as he struggled to breathe, and watch him shift uncomfortably from foot to foot as he worked his way down the candy display.
I watched him out of the corner of my eye as he picked up a regular sized Snickers with his right hand and a KING sized Snickers with his left. He looked at his two options, back and forth, back and forth. He rolled them around in his hands, crinkled their wrappers, contemplating his decision. After at least a minute, he reached to put the regular sized one back ... a shame, I thought. He was so close.
But then, like a flash of lightening from above, at the very last moment , he THREW the KING sized Snickers back. It landed atop the gum with a deafening THUD. The man turned and looked at me with regular Snickers in his hand. Gripped it tightly, shrugged, and smiled.
For a moment, I saw a glimpse of pride on his face; the kind of pride that comes from taking control of your life. Granted, it wasn't the BEST decision, but it WAS a step in the right direction and it was clear he was pleased with himself. I smiled back and nodded; a silent congratulations for a job well done.
He took his regular sized Snickers strutted to the register where a 50ish woman waited. She was friendly in an abrasive sort of way, and as I moved to look at the cover of Men's Health I heard her say to the man (who was still in the glow of his recent victory):
"Sure you don't want the KING sized Snickers? Looks awful good..."
The man who had just made a good decision, froze. He stared at the woman behind the counter. In that moment, it was as if the Phoenix Airport stopped.... As he stared at the abrasive woman behind the counter, I stared at him. The woman reached for the KING sized and waved it in front of his face. "Don't do it. Don't do it," I willed him. But in the next moment, he nodded, took the KING sized Snickers, paid, and slowly walked away.
I wanted to say something, but it wasn't my place. As he walked past, he didn't look my way, instead he looked to the ground and to the KING sized decision he held in his hand.
Now, it would be easy to blame the woman behind the counter for the demise of our Snicker loving friend. She didn't HAVE to offer him the KING size when he seemed to be perfectly content. However, it is not her fault; she was only doing her job (I swear they get paid on commission -- every time I try to buy a magazi... I mean, a pack of gum... they always ask if I would like water or a snack. It can't JUST be because they're really concerned for my hydration or hunger). No, the responsibility lies solely in the man who ultimately made the choice.
A Parable Of Risk: Betting On The Here & Now
We relate to this man. Whether you struggle with your weight, or you struggle to make good financial decisions. Maybe you make poor decisions, of any size, in your personal relationships. Whatever your vice may be (and there may be many), we have all been here before; on the brink of a breakthrough, only to fall short with no one to blame but ourselves. Whether you've been there once or been there 100 times, there is an important lesson to learn here; one that may not be the most obvious.
Who you are now does not determine who you will be.
I'll say it again. Who you are now does not determine who you will be.
Sounds nice, right? Easy lesson, nice lesson, hopeful lesson. The catch is this: you have to MAKE it so. The difference between who you are NOW and who you will BE happens because of choice. It doesn't have to be a heroic choice, it can be small/consistent choices made everyday in the right direction, that make the difference. But they MUST be made and can only be made by you.
How do you do this?
First: start seeing yourself NOW as the person you will BE. If you're broke, start seeing yourself as un-broke. If you're alone, see yourself wrapped in the warmth of a healthy relationship. If you're heavier than you would like to be, see yourself thin.
Second: It is not enough to just SEE yourself there, you must start behaving in a way that mirrors the behaviors of the kind of person you will become. Un-broke people make sound decisions when it comes to finances -- do that now. Healthy people find joy in salads and low-fat dressing -- you should too.
Third: Stay focused. There is a good chance that others will continue to see you as you are now, and that's ok. It's not their fault. They may not be aware that you have made a decision to change; not aware that you are making small consistent decisions toward the person you wa nt to become. They may not SEE those small decisions or REALIZE what they are adding up to. Stay focused on YOU. On YOUR vision for yourself. And don't be afraid to verbalize your desires to those around you so they can aid in your transformation.
This is where I believe our friend at the candy counter went astray:
Perhaps he was seeing himself not as who he IS, but who he could BE -- well, healthy, happy...
I KNOW he was making a small decision in the right direction...
But when he got to the counter, the abrasive woman saw him as he WAS: a man who "must" love KING sizes. And instead of staying focused, instead of standing as a warrior for his future-self, he crumbled with the words "I will always be this" ringing in his defeated ears.
We all relate to this story. We have all been there. I just urge you to not go there again. Fight for your future self, and beware the woman behind the counter.
When all was said and done, I walked out of the News Stand empty-handed and heavy hearted. I took my seat at Gate C27 and waited for our plane to arrive.
(Post Note: Michael ended up sitting next to this man on the plane. When I told Michael this story, looong after the flight, he said, "That makes it worse ... he was such a nice guy.")
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Kindra Hall
Kindra Hall is a storyteller with 18 years of experience. She shares her stories on stage, in coaching sessions, and on her blog: www.kindrahalltellsall.com. She works with organizations and individuals to discover, craft, and deliver their stories in order to more effectively communicate their mission and values. She has performed on the stage of the National Storytelling Festival in Jonesborough, TN at the Exchange Place.
(copyright 2009 KindraHallTellsAll)
Maybe stories are just data with a soul.
~ Brené Brown
Are you using stories to make your data more attractive and effective?
A legend tells of a French monastery known throughout Europe for the extraordinary leadership of a man known only as Brother Leo. Several monks began a pilgrimage to visit Brother Leo to learn from him. Almost immediately, they began to bicker about who should do various chores.
On the third day they met another monk going to the monastery, and he joined them. This monk never complained or shirked a duty, and whenever the others would fight over a chore, he would gracefully volunteer and do it himself. By the last day, the others were following his example, and from then on they worked together smoothly.
When they reached the monastery and asked to see Brother Leo, the man who greeted them laughed. "But our brother is among you!" And he pointed to the fellow who had joined them.
Today, many people seek leadership positions, not so much for what they can do for others but for what the position can do for them: status, connections, perks, advantages. They do service as an investment, a way to build an impressive resume.
The parable about Brother Leo teaches another model of leadership, where leaders are preoccupied with serving rather than being followed, with giving rather than getting, with doing rather than demanding. Leadership based on example, not command. This is called servant leadership.
Can you imagine how much better things would be if more politicians, educators, and business executives saw themselves as servant leaders?
Michael Josephson
www.charactercounts.org
It was a stormy night many years ago when an elderly couple entered the hotel lobby on the outskirts of a mountain resort area and asked for a room.
"I'm very sorry," responded the night clerk. "We're completely full and so are all the other hotels in the area, but I can't imagine sending you out into the storm again. Why don't you stay in my room?" the young man offered with a smile. "It may not be a luxury suite, but it's clean. I need to finish my bookkeeping here in the office."
The distinguished-looking man and woman seemed uncomfortable, but they graciously accepted his offer. When the gentleman went to pay the bill the next morning, the clerk was still at the desk and said, "Oh, I live here full-time, so there's no charge for the room. You don't need to worry about that."
The older man nodded and said to the clerk, "You're the kind of person that every hotel owner dreams about having as a staff member. Maybe someday I'll build a hotel for you." The hotel clerk was flattered, but the idea sounded so outrageous that he was sure the man was joking.
A few years passed and the hotel clerk was still at the same job. One day he received a registered letter from the man. The letter expressed his vivid recollections of that stormy night, along with an invitation and a round-trip ticket for the hotel clerk to visit him in New York. Arriving a few days later in Manhattan, the clerk was met by the distinguished gentleman at the corner of Fifth Avenue and Thirty-fourth Street, where a magnificent, new building stood.
"That," exclaimed the man, "is the hotel I've built for you to run! I told you at the time that it might happen and today you can see that I was serious."
The clerk was stunned. "What's the catch? Why me? Who are you anyway?" he stammered. "My name is William Waldorf Astor. And there is no catch. You are the person I want managing this property for me."
That hotel was the original Waldorf Astoria, and the name of the young clerk who accepted the first managerial position was George C. Boldt.
This is a true story, and there's a personal message in it for us. Why do we need a benefactor to come along and make us believe in our dreams? How is it that an outsider can perceive more potential in us than we can sometimes see in ourselves?
Usually, we hold ourselves back because of a little voice from the child of our past that recalls foolish mistakes we made or rejections we experienced. Don't listen to those doubts and fears.
This week, don't put your big dreams on layaway. Focus on believing you are worth the effort.
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Reproduced with permission from the Denis Waitley Ezine. To subscribe to Denis Waitley's Ezine, go to www.deniswaitley.com or send an email with Join in the subject to subscribe@deniswaitley.com Copyright 2005 Denis Waitley International. All rights reserved worldwide.
Earlier this year my husband Denis and I went out for a lovely dinner at a nearby restaurant. While we were dining, an inspired idea popped into my head. I tend to pay attention to inspired ideas as they come up and I decided to share this one with Denis.
I said "Honey, I'm thinking of selling the house I bought in Florida, what do you think?"
Well, knowing the real estate market was declining and sales were infrequent, he thought I had temporarily lost my mind. I continued to share with him some reasoning behind the inspired idea.
The house in Florida was one that we rarely used. The insurance company wouldn't insure the contents because we did not reside in the home. It can be a challenge taking care of a place when we live 1,600 miles away.
Denis agreed with all of those points. Plus, even though I bought the house and owned it outright, the monthly expenses were an unnecessary expense. We were not using the house as a rental property, nor did I want to. We simply had the home available in the event we decided to take a trip to a warmer climate.
Initially when I bought the house I thought we would be using the house more, but with my busy travel schedule, speaking engagements, conferences, etc. we rarely stayed in the home.
Later that evening, after returning home from the restaurant I called a Real Estate Agent in Florida. I asked, "Steve, how is the real estate market down there?"
He replied "Don't you get the news up there Peggy? It's terrible!"
"Well Steve, I'd like to sell my house. Are you interested in listing it for me?"
He responded: "How much are you thinking of selling it for?"
I gave Steve the price I had in mind and he said the house would be the most expensive house on the street. I wasn't really concerned with having a premium-listing price because the house was a unique home and it was beautifully decorated.
Steve was willing to list the house. He drafted up the appropriate papers and sent them to me via email. I signed the papers, sent them back, and a "For Sale" sign went on the lawn.
Because I teach and practice the law of attraction and believe it is far more effective to relax our way to wealth or relax our way to anything that we desire, I relaxed and gave thanks for the quick sale of my home.
In my gratitude journal I expressed my elation with the quick sale of the home and for a closing price that was very close to my listing price. I was also grateful for the quick closing that the new owner requested.
Every day I wrote in my gratitude journal expressing my gratitude for the sale. I also listened to my own relaxation audio meditation every evening, which allowed me to stay connected to the powerful emotions of gratitude, joy and faith.
Two weeks later my Real Estate Agent called me with the news that we had an interested buyer. He said: "There is only one problem Peggy - she wants a fast close - she wants to take possession in three weeks, are you okay with that?"
Well, of course I was fine with a quick close. A quick close date was precisely what I gave thanks for. Additionally, she paid close to the listing price for the house, and within three weeks, my husband and I were on a flight to pick up a check for the sale of the house.
As much as we hear about the powerful laws of attraction, not everyone practices them. One of the challenges is that we are conditioned emotional beings. If our previous conditioning is to stress over things, we will literally push away the very things we desire by being stressed. Switching to a state of relaxation opens up our creativity, engages the law of attraction and draws to us that which you desire (ideas, people, events, experiences).
It may seem like a backward way of thinking to relax when you deeply want something, but relaxing our way to wealth is a powerful concept.
After I took action and listed the home, I gave thanks every day for the sale of the home and stayed connected to positive emotions. I relaxed and every morning and evening used my own relaxation guided meditation. It is an absolute truth that positive emotions will produce positive results.
Deepak Chopra said: "Relaxation is the prerequisite for that inner expansion that allows a person to express the source of inspiration and joy within."
If there is something you desire, follow these 3 simple steps. #1. Decide what you want. #2. Decide what it will "feel" like when you have it (which involves the emotions of faith and relaxation); and #3. Go straight to feeling those emotions - and practice them on a consistent basis. And, when you do, you'll be amazed at the power of your own creative ability.
Peggy McColl
Peggy is a New York Times Best Selling Author, Consultant and Speaker. She has created many programs based on Wealth Creation. Her latest program can be found at: http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/?Clk=3421506
Not long ago I woke up with a "brown" taste in my mouth and everything started to just go wrong! I remember thinking, "Why is everyone against me!" Then I stopped and thought, "Wait a minute! Not everyone is against me!"
I grabbed a note pad and started writing down the names of everyone that was openly resisting my efforts to just live in peace and joy. Three....That's right - 3 people! Then I thought about how many people were "in favor" of me and supported me in some way. Double digits! Then I thought globally. Most people don't even know I exist and out of the ones that do know me and have some interaction with me they remain involved in their own lives and are basically "neutral" toward me.
Then I started thinking about how out of ALL THE PEOPLE IN THE EARTH only 3 people resisted me and how much time did I spend a day interacting with these three people? On even the worst days I couldn't think of more than a few minutes of actual interaction. So then I thought about ALL THE NEGATIVE ENCOUNTERS that I had in a single day. You know everything from the guy who cuts you off in traffic to the rude comment by someone I don't even know. I was hard pressed on even the WORST day to find more than 5-15 minutes of actual interaction with unpleasant people a day!
This reality hit me with insight! There have been times when my 24 hour day has been ruined by 15 minutes (and in most cases less than 15 minutes) a day of actual interaction with negative people! How could that be possible? I survived the 15 minutes so why did this ruin my entire day? Even when I was "cussed" and "cursed" the words didn't hurt me and the curses never came to pass. Everything that was spoken against me was a threat and did not manifest as a reality! How could something as false and "unreal" as a "threat" ruin my day?
The answer is simple. The threat got into my own thinking and contaminated my mind. People annoyed me for less than 15 minutes and I annoyed myself in my thinking for 23 hours 45 minutes or more a day and I ruined my day! Now I have learned to put my focus on the positives in my life and to be grateful for all that I have!
Life is all about choices. Is the glass half full or half empty? You decide.
Jami Sell
Jami Sell wanted to share this message of positive thoughts to inspire others. Feel free to send Jami an email on your thoughts to today's message at: catseyeview@hotmail.com
I suspect all of us have been hurt in deep and lasting ways by the words or acts of another. It's normal in such situations to feel hostility toward the person who hurt us. If we allow the offense to linger, we may carry the hurt and resentment in the form of a grudge. Usually this causes more unhappiness for us than the person we're mad at.
Some religions speak of forgiveness as a moral duty, others as a worthy virtue, and still others impose preconditions on the wrongdoer before he or she is entitled to be forgiven. Whatever your religious views, psychologists say the ability to forgive is closely correlated to happiness and mental health.
Some people refuse to even entertain the idea of forgiveness because they don't think the person they resent deserves to be forgiven. Others don't want to appear to condone or excuse the conduct and certainly don't want to reconcile with the person.
The essence of forgiveness is a voluntary decision to abandon continuing resentment, to let go of anger, and to move on. It doesn't require or imply condoning, excusing, or forgetting. Nor does it require that the forgiver re-establish a relationship with the wrongdoer.
According to Dr. Ben Dean, the capacity to forgive is related to the character strength of empathy. People who can empathize with an offender and see things from that person's perspective are much better able to forgive. He also says that the older we get, the more forgiving we're likely to become.
Hmmm. We usually get wiser, too. So maybe it's wise to forgive.
Michael Josephson
www.charactercounts.org
“A children's story that can only be enjoyed by children is not a good children's story in the slightest.”
― C.S. Lewis
